Unreachable Happiness Formerly Nozomu's Harem
by Shuji Nonohana
Summary: Just say the first title. Up until now, Nozomu didn't think he could ever be loved. Now, he's faced with more problems than just being loved! NozomuxMultiple, MajiruxMeru and Komori, and JunxNami. Philosophy relevant. Story Tone changes from time to time.
1. They've been here and there

1I'm in despair! Living in a world where the media could be lying about anything has left me in despair! They said that the manga would come out in February, but the last time I believed a claim like that, I was terribly disappointed! They said the president would take office in January, but he's already taken office! (And if I'm wrong, tell me.) When I went to a bookstore to buy a certain volume of a certain unpopular book (don't ask me what) on the day it came out and every day after, It wasn't there! And it's not because people would have bought it! I went to multiple bookstores, and I know only two or three people who would read such a depressing story, including myself! So the internet lied! The media lies! But living in a world where you're criticized for not believing something you see in the media just because everyone thinks everyone else believes it, leaves me in despair!

For every chapter, I'll go on a depressing rant, then get on with the show.

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One: They've been here so long it doesn't matter what I do anymore.

Is it right to be loved? Is it wrong to be hated? That's what negative thinker Itoshiki Nozomu thought. Back when he was young, he had broken the record for most number of consecutive rejections.

Sixteen years ago...

"Yuki-san... would you go out with me?"

"NO."

"Awww......"

Back at home....

"Enishi-nii, I got rejected again."

"... Nozomu, you're ten years old. People your age get into that gooey kinda love before thinking about dating."

"You mean staying with each other all the time at school while saying 'I wuv you. No I wuv you'?"

".... In a nutshell, yes."

Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash!

"I'm in despair! Not being loved just because the natural standard age for love has yet to be reached has left me in despair!"

"Now Nozomu, love isn't only about age, you misunderstand me..."

"You mean I could be loved, but I'm not?!"

"..... uhhhh...."

Ever since then, Nozomu hasn't even thought about having a relationship. He just thought that he wasn't the type of person that would be liked. But he never even tried.

Nozomu was walking down the hallway.

"Ugh, reliving these awful memories has left me in despair."

He opened the door to his homeroom.

"If a man cannot be loved, what else can he do but die?"

His entire class looked down. 'I really feel sorry for this guy...'

Kafuka raised her hand. "But sensei! If you say that, then what do you say for all other people like that?"

".... it's the law of love."

"But it's not a lack of love, it's just that nobody's made a move yet!"

"I have..."

"But have you ever let her?"

Everybody in the class took this into consideration.

Matoi looked at him from under his podium. Jii~

Then, instead of her usual staring sound effect (Jii) she spoke to him. "You made a move on me! And now it's official!"

Nozomu thought 'I don't exactly know what she's talking about...'

Chiri rose her hand. "Sensei, you also made a move on me!"

"WHAT? No!"

"You slept with me!"

"No! You just rolled over into my bed!"

"Well then I made the move then! It doesn't matter, we still slept together! And as a couple who slept together, we should act as we should and get a proper marriage..."

"I don't care how perfect you think that logic is, I'm not buying it!"

Kaere then underwent her change to Kaede. "Sensei, I would prefer if you got married to me!"

"Um, I'd really like a distraction for this one."

DIVINE WIND. Kaede's skirt flies up, and she's wearing... strawberries! Which is strange, since that's usually the overused kind in the anime world (in reference to Ichigo 100%, Magikano, an earlier episode that had a panty shot, etc.) Kaede turns back into Kaere.

"You all looked didn't you? I'll sue!" She then proceeds to run out of the room.

Mayo took her chance and threw a pencil at Nozomu's forehead, and when it hit, it stuck there.

"Um, I'm afraid that if I take this out, I'll bleed like crazy." He looked over at Mayo. He saw three pencils in her hand. "No, no, it couldn't have been you Mitama-san. There's too much evidence."

Mayo blushed as she threw the remaining three pencils.

"Ouch... couldn't have been.... you..."

Everyone in his class nodded in union.

Ai Kaga spoke. "Um, me too?"

"..... eh?"

"You're the first person who told me what my problem was...."

That made Nozomu ponder. 'Wait, absolutely NOBODY told her that she has a guilt complex? In her entire seventeen year old life?'

"Oh! I'm sorry! I spoke out of turn didn't I?"

'Apparently, knowing what your problem is isn't the same as solving it...'

Then Rin came into the picture.

"Aw, come on! You too little sister?"

"... No, I want to marry out of my family. Plus, you're just way too negative for me. Those two traits separate don't mean much, but... together, they make you completely unavailable to me."

'Wait, so if I dropped negativity, she would marry me regardless of the fact that I'm her brother? If anything this day puts me in despair more, it's hearing her say that...'

Kafuka rose her hand again. "And you come on to me too!"

"HOW?"

"Well, you know how people usually pretend to ignore the kindness of people they like? It's pretty much that!"

'She's even turned my ignorance of her kind and positive attitude into something positive!'

Abiru said "It isn't nice to be walking out on the commitments you made."

The whole class agreed.

Kudou said "I'll hold him down..."

"Wait! I'm your teacher! You can't hold me down..."

"First of all, you don't look that strong, and I could probably hold you down pretty well. Second of all, I meant with my story."

"AW CRAP!"

"In the winter day, there was an orphan, and his dog..."

"NO! NELLO! PATRASCHE!"

Nozomu ran before he could continue.

"That story of a dying boy and his dog gets anybody sad! I'm glad I made it out in time!"

He picks a random room and runs into it.

In the dark of the room he heard a little ring.

"Oh, I've got mail."

_You can't run away forever, you four-eyed pansy. Running away from commitment...._

"Wow. I think I may have found the one thing my entire class agrees on. Commitment..."

Then he heard a small giggle. So he turned around. It was hard to make out in the dark, so he used the light from his cell. He saw Kiri Komori.

"Ah, Komori-san. Please hide me!" There was a sort of sad desperation in his voice.

"Yes... Sensei..."

She pointed him over to the closet. (This isn't a rip-off. If you read them in order, it gave me this idea. But it won't have the same result. You know who you are.)

He slid the door of the closet shut.

"Sensei... I'll tell you when they stop searching..."

The sound of clomping feet and shouting could be heard from outside.

"Respect your proper marriage proposal!"

"You said you'd....(die) with me!"

"I'm sorry, but I must find you!"

"Don't wimp out onii-chan."

Guess who. And if you guess right, you get a prize!

It had been two days. Nozomu hadn't seen any other living soul except for Komori in that time. She snuck him food when he asked for it. And occasionally, Chie-sensei would come over to Komori's room. Nozomu didn't know what they did while he was in the closet, but at one point in time, he would hear Komori say "don't open" or "don't look".

Three more days pass. You can still hear them walking the halls, calling out to their sensei. "Don't they have anything better to do? I mean come on!"

Komori told him "You're their teacher, and you aren't there. I don't think they have anything better to do..."

"Komori-san, you may be the only normal one. I mean, besides you being a hikikomori."

"What do you mean?"

"Well for one, you aren't turning me in like anyone else would."

"......"

"And you don't have an unhealthy attraction to me."

"!"

"I mean, a person like me, I don't think anyone should love me. I'm a worthless human being."

"... that isn't true...."

"Huh?"

"...."

"But isn't it?"

The door opened. Nozomu immediately slammed the closet door shut.

"But Sensei, if that were true, nobody would care."

Nozomu knew that voice. It was Kafuka. He opened the closet door. It wasn't just Kafuka. It was Matoi, Ai and Mayo.

"All of you?"

Mayo hit him with a brick.

"Owww... it couldn't... have been you... owww.

Ai quickly said "I'm sorry, but I need to disagree. Sorry."

Matoi spoke. "If I thought your life was worthless, I wouldn't be following you. In fact, because of the bugs I put in your collar, I knew where you were all along."

'So that's why my neck itches...'

Kafuka again. "Nobody would be looking. We all think your life matters, so that's why we're looking."

"I always thought it was because everybody likes proving me wrong. And because they like putting me in difficult situations. For everybody who doesn't, it's your opinion that my life matters. If you ask the world, the majority would be that my life is worthless."

"But that still means that some people think you're not worthless. If it's a matter of opinion, than it doesn't matter what the majority thinks. What matters are the facts!"

"And who better to know about the facts of my life than me? I know my life is worthless. It's your OPINION that it isn't."

"Sensei..."

"Just leave me alone. Please don't tell them where I am."

Matoi. "Okay sensei, but please try to see eye to eye with us."

".... I'll give you this little figure to look at in place of me in return for not telling them."

Nozomu hands Matoi a little statuette of himself. "Made by Kei-nii."

"It isn't as good as you, but it'll hold me over until you decide to come out."

"Maybe."

All but Komori left. "That's what I meant when I said that it isn't true."

".... I'm going to sleep."

Komori closed his closet door.

'Sensei is so depressed. I want to cheer him up. But I need to figure out how.'

In the closet.

'Attracting attention from women it would be morally wrong to be with under the assumption that I would be a pedophile which I'm not leaves me in despair.'

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Well, that was the first chapter. How did you like it? Did it fit your tastes? If it didn't, that leaves me in despair. If it does, it leaves me in more despair, because I know that your vision of Nozomu is equally as depressing. Tell me if I went wrong somewhere. I know I did. Did I?

Hey, it's a good friend of mine! Hey how are ya doin'? What are you doing with that knife? Why are you holding it out? I'm not peeling any fruit, or cutting any.... Why is that knife so close to my face? Why are you raising that knife in the air?

_STAB _


	2. Wondering

1You know about people in the upper class and lower class, right? Well, what about middle class? Yeah, upper class people are more famous, and at least people look at lower class people and think, "Oh, this man is poor. He can't really support himself. I think he should just die. I hope I don't end up like that." At least if you're lower class, it's obvious and people have an obvious opinion of you! But if you're middle class... "Oh, it's just a middle class person, I shouldn't gush over him or pity him." They barely think anything of you! Sure people are all unique (Except for Nami. She's normal.) but when you're middle class, that means people think of you as average due to your lifestyle based on the amount of money you make in a year! Even if your lifestyle is unique, they just look at your income, the house you live in, the people you hang out with... they're all middle class in the eyes of the world!

I'm in despair! Being in a class that nobody recognizes even a little has left me in despair! Even the poor people in the lower class think of me as middle class, I know it! Instead of asking for change from me, they'll look for a cool guy with expensive stuff in the upper class that looks like he's loaded for change! Just because they have more!

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Two: When it is, it will be, but if it isn't, then you're just left wondering.

Itoshiki Nozomu was in hiding. He didn't want to come out. But, as I am sure that you read the first chapter, you probably already know why. Let's move over to the one person in the group of people who love him who didn't come to comfort him because that thought had never really occurred to her, Chiri.

After about ten days of searching, Chiri grew restless, and so did the rest of the class. "Hold it! We can't just run around the school looking for a missing teacher!"

The rest of the class looked at her. 'So she's giving up on committing him?'

"We need to be running around where he would be if he's not in school; a proper manhunt!"

'..... oh.'

"We need to comb his house, his family home, everything!"

'We need to get a new class rep.'

Kagerou shouts "Hey, I'm the class rep!" But then he just sorta fades off into the background while sobbing.

The class proceeds to storm their teacher's house.

Well, let's get back to our pessimistic teacher hiding in the closet.

'I know I'm living a worthless life. There's no way around it using opinions. Opinions are opinions, but knowing something is completely different. Opinions are what you think of something, but knowing means that what you know is a fact, no matter what way you look at it.'

"Well sensei, what if what you think you know is selective disinformation?"

Yeah, he was thinking out loud.

"You mean, what if isn't true. Feh, I should know about my own life. I know, so when I'm put in front of my own judgement, I'm telling the truth when I say that I know that I'm worthless."

"... but... you could be lying to yourself."

Kiri brought up an interesting point. "Why would I lie to myself?"

"Some people don't want to face reality, so they cover it up with a lie that they themselves start to believe."

".... How did you know about stuff like that?"

Being in her room all the time has given her lots of free time. She's watched a lot of soap operas.

"Anyway, just what kind of reality would I want to avoid? Trust me, if I knew I was useful, I wouldn't hide it from anyone! Especially not myself!"

"Ah...."

She didn't have an answer.

"Under normal circumstances Komori-san, I would kill myself..."

"*Gasp*!"

"But with everybody searching for me, I can't tell them to stop with a little note. And with the fact that almost half of my class has been misguided to believe that they love me (and I only found this out recently) I would be hurting them, further proving the fact no matter what I do, there'll be a negative outcome. I at the very least don't want the outcome to hurt people.... so I'll wait until their affection subsides."

Komori looked at him calmly, yet intensely. "Affection that lasts long doesn't just 'subside.'"

"Who knows. Maybe it will. I'm already causing them trouble."

Komori had made up her mind. She needed to cheer up sensei! By any means necessary! But the problem is, he isn't really cheery. At all. At any given moment, the only thing that makes him happy is when a student gives a good example of the negative perceptions he has. But that wouldn't really help get him out, it would just throw him more in despair. What to do?

Over at Nozomu's house....

"Where is sensei?"

Majiru looked at everybody with disbelief... "You don't know? He hasn't been here for ten days..."

Chiri came up and grabbed his collar. "Listen! We need to make him fulfill his obligations so if you know where he is, tell us!"

Matoi snatched Majiru away. "He's only a kid. He wouldn't lie. So don't press him, alright?"

Chiri and the rest of the class had to go. Abiru seemed to notice that most of the suitors to their sensei weren't here. "I should say something... but then again, there will be chaos once they find him. The school festival is coming up, and the chaos uprising from committing sensei will ruin it, so I'll wait."

Matoi took Majiru into the house. "Majiru-kun, please tell noone."

"Alright. But I need to know exactly what I'm not telling, or else I can't."

"Sensei is hiding out in Kiri-chan's room."

Majiru screamed. "What?!"

"He needs to hide from his suitors, or else he'll be in despair about his own opinions on his own life. As much as I would like to be by his side, as his wife, I must respect his wish to be alone."

Majiru panicked at this thought. He had been attracted to Kiri Komori for a long time, but had never really decided if it was "love". 'Well, the way she teases because I'm a child... she only does that around me because I'm a child... but I kinda... like it. Other than that, she looks so shy, and so cute with her long hair... her skin is beautiful and fair...' Okay. He had decided. He loves Kiri Komori. 'And for Nozomu... to be in her room with her... I can only imagine what they're doing...' OMITTED. Look for it in a later fic.

'I should be in that room with her!'

Majiru grew an aura, similar to something about hunting, or hunters and whatnot.

Matoi sensed this, and only inched away. "Why are you so mad Majiru-kun?"

"Matoi-san, would you forgive me if I beat up Nozomu?"

"...No."

"Is there any way for me to beat him up without anybody hating me?"

"Well, there is something going on at the school festival, but I'm not sure."

"Well then, we'll settle this there. In the meantime, I should go tell him off."

Later, in Komori's room...

"Sensei... would you like to go with me... to the school festival in a week?"

"Huh?"

This question had caught Nozomu off guard. He remembered something important about festivals, but since he only scarcely ever went, he didn't remember. So I'll tell you. Although Komori is a girl, she is taking the role that a boy should take (because Nozomu wouldn't) and asks someone to a festival.

"... I can't. My class will be there."

"It won't matter. I have a disguise."

She then holds up a long wig. She "borrowed" it from Kagerou. Well, if you take into the account that she didn't see him, you could say she, "found it". Kagerou sobs.

"I might be able to go like this," said Nozomu putting on the wig, "but what about my face? Surely they'll recognize me..."

"I borrowed this from Kei-san."

She held up a mask in Nozomu's image.

"I see. If Kei is selling his lesser artworks on a regular basis (and I know he is) then it won't be unusual to see this mask at the festival. And the students would never suspect that their target would hide behind his own face. Hmmmm...."

After thirty seconds of thinking, he answered, "Alright. I suppose I can go."

Kiri had a gleeful look on her face. She blushed a little at Sensei's accepting of her invite. "I look forward to it..."

They hear someone bust through the door.

"Yipe!" Nozomu closed the closet.

"Nozomu! I know you're here!"

'That voice... Majiru-kun?'

Komori looked at him. "Why are you here Majiru-kun?"

"Komori.... I...."

Because he falls into the categorical stereotype of people who writes a message that they could just say out loud, but can't say it out loud for a reason (embarrassment) or another. So he gave her a small note.

_I love you._

"M-Majiru-kun?"

"I know Nozomu's here. I know about it. And I have a bone to pick with him!" You know, he's being really vague...

"Majiru. It's not that I don't, it's just that I do to Sensei more. It's not so wrong to love more than one person. It's different, but has the same concept of more than one person loving a single person."

Nozomu was listening. You'd think he'd have an understanding of the situation. He doesn't. 'What are they talking about? It sounds serious.'

"Majiru-kun. I don't rank people on how much I love them. If I love them I love them, but there are certain different degrees of love, and the feeling toward him is just a bit of a higher degree."

"Well now that you know, I may as well say it. I love you!"

'I had given up on understanding them, but now all my focus is on this! I never knew that Majiru liked Komori-san!'

"Is the reason because I'm a kid? Or is it personal preference that makes you.... feel for him more?" He's too embarrassed to say love again.

"..... a little of both. Mostly the personal preference part."

".... Why? Why is it you feel for him more than me? What does he have that I don't?!"

Komori put a finger to her lips, an action that made Majiru blush. "A girls preferences are hers alone. But when you can accept the degree of love I have for _you_, I'll tell you."

"... I have something to settle with him. Give him this note." He gave her a note.

Nozomu was still confused. 'Okay, after that, I'm completely lost.'

He could hear the door close. So he opened his door. "What did he give you?"

Komori gave him a note. It said _Meet me at the mask shop at the school festival at 11:00 AM. I'll be there waiting- Majiru Itoshiki._

"Eh? What?"

And so preparation for the school festival begins.

BTW, where was Kaere this entire episode?

At a rock star prosecutor's office...

"What do you mean I can't file a lawsuit?"

"One. You can't blame them for what the divine wind does. Two. There are too many of them to sue. And three..."

DIVINE WIND! Skirt flies up. "Kyaa~!"

"... You can't expect them not to look at peaches!" When it happened, they were strawberries.

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How'd you like it? Was It dramatic? Did the ending leave you in despair? I mean Nozomu's, not Kaere's ending. Kaere's was just funny.

Did the unexplained meeting at the festival leave you in despair? It left me in despair, and I wrote it! See ya next time...

Oh hey! That guy's chopping down a tree with an axe! He's coming to greet me with his axe held high! He's getting closer... Hi!

_CHOP_


	3. The one in the Back

1Um.... yeah. Here it goes.

Ahem... I'm in despair! The internet has left me in despair! No wait, that one's been done. Um..... oh yeah! Now I remember.

Why does it matter who you love? Nowadays, people judge you by what kind of girl you like. Even worse, if you love someone who's way younger than you (I mean like 12 or 13 and you're 15- any age) or at least looks way younger, people know it as a lolita or shota complex and discriminate against you! I'm not saying that I like young children like that, I just don't like that you aren't allowed to love who you love without being discriminated against in some way! Besides, I like Moe! Every anime has at least one Moe character, but that doesn't really mean that I'm a lolicon! I just think they're cute! But people discriminate against that too! If you love the popular girl, some people say, "She's a ho", if you love the quiet girl with glasses reading in the corner, people say "She's weird". If you love a moe girl, people say "What are you a lolicon?" If you love a person of any different nationality, people will accuse you of having a thing for that particular race!

I'm in Despair! False love accusations and criticism have left me in despair!

On a side note, I'll be starting a crack pairing I just came up with!

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Three: The one in the back is called on because the teacher thinks he hasn't been paying attention, when in actuality, he has been. So the teacher is made out to be a fool.

"Before starting, why are you also pairing Sensei up with Ai? I should be!"

Ah, Kuniya Kino-san. I did that because one: She's on my list of cute girls I think it would be awesome to pair Nozomu with. Two: I hate to admit it, but I've read about you online, but I haven't seen too much of you. Maybe it's because your episode didn't come yet, or maybe it's because the manga readers online haven't yet put up your chapter. I dunno. But I've only ever read about you. Three: My limit to pairing is three guys. Any number of girls. You would exceed that limit.

"Oh. I see.... well, another fan will for sure pair me up with Ai-chan!"

Another thing. I know that the whole Nozomu and Komori pairing mixed with the Majiru and Komori pairing made things complicated, but I had no choice! I like NozomuxKomori just as much as KomorixMajiru, and if I add that Komori likes Majiru somewhat, I've got both pairings! As for Ai Kaga, I'm sorry if you like Kuniya Kino, it's just that I haven't ever really seen him (except for in the Marionette ending). If you have a link connecting to an episode or chapter with him in it, please send it to me. Now, back to the story...

"Excuse me Nami-san."

"Yes Kudou-kun?"

It was Jun Kudou. He was asking something of Nami Hito.

"I was wondering if you would allow me to take you to the school festival that's coming up."

Nami could not believe her ears. The man who could move many to bliss and tears was asking her to the festival.

"S-sure, I'd love to go with you."

A clearly normal response.

"Hey, don't say normal!"

Well, if you compare it to how others would respond...

Chiri: Okay, but I need a schedule. I need to know exactly when and where we will be in the festival.

Harumi: Only if you let me publish your stories in the form of doujinshi! (His stories are beautiful.)

Meru: _If you'd think I'd go with you, you've probably got a few screws loose, idiot._

"Okay, okay, I get your point!"

So Jun Kudou asked Nami Hito to the festival. In all other stories, this is the most random I could get with a pairing.... or is it? It isn't.

It had been four days since Nozomu received the challenge from Majiru. 'Okay, I still don't know exactly why he's so mad. Is he mad at me?' He thought.

Komori looked over at her depressed Sensei in the closet.

'Maybe I should've died before I caused any trouble like this. When all this is over.... I'll probably die to ensure that I cause no more trouble.'

"Sensei..."

"Komori-san?"

"Do you still think that you have no value in this world?"

"I don't think. I know."

'He's so set on that. Little does he know that opinions are also based on facts.'

Now, just because you say you know something, it's nearly the same as saying you think something. You say it, but it's really only your OPINION that you know. You think you know. You don't actually know if you know. But some people can actually fool themselves into thinking that they do know without considering the possibility that they only think that they know. And most people actually just say that they _think_ (and don't know) unconditionally. This is how it goes in the world. But only the lone observers of such a situation can actually tell these two apart, and can see who really _knows_. We are these observers, but we cannot do anything, the downside to being an observer. But Nozomu observes whenever he reads a book. But when it comes to your own life, there are things you unconditionally overlook.

"I have seen my entire life go by, and I don't see any accomplishments."

He is an example of a person who unconditionally overlooks most things in his life.

"Sensei, I've been in a room my whole life. I know that most of the time I don't really do any thing." She grabs his hand. "But try to understand. A person isn't valued just because of accomplishments. Or else you and Kafuka-san wouldn't have come to get me." Her voice volume drops a little. "And you shouldn't say you haven't accomplished anything. I mean you've...." She blushes a little. "You didn't even mean to, but you made about half the class fall for you. Without trying. If that isn't an accomplishment, I don't know what is."

"I'm sorry, but I've already given up on love. A long time ago."

He doesn't know, but he's done other things that can be considered accomplishments.

It was unusual for Komori to speak so much, but unlike every other time, Nozomu looked serious. Love is a serious thing. He isn't as affected as he thinks by the things going on in this world, but he is deeply affected by this particular subject.

"It's still in the record book. 'Largest number of consecutive rejections: 4,251'. If there's anything that puts me in despair most, it's that."

Two more days until the festival. The class stopped their search. They needed to prepare for the festival, Sensei or not.

"They may have stopped searching, but that doesn't mean it's safe to come out."

Majiru was also preparing for the festival. Although he didn't want to admit it, he regretted giving that challenge letter to Nozomu. "Nozomu. I don't really want to do this. But I need to. To win Komori!..... and Meru." The last part was a whisper.

Let's flash back a little.

A few days after the Meru's voice dub incident, Majiru saw Meru in the hall after class. "Um, hi."

_Beep, beep._ "Oh, I have a text message."

_What do you want, bastard?_

She just had to remind him of that...

Majiru suddenly forgot why he got flustered. He just calmly asked, "Hey, why are you so mean? I mean, in text mail, why do you have to insult people?"

_What kind of question is that to ask, idiot?_

"It's an important question. I know something is wrong. Why is it that you're abusive in your mail?"

Meru looked down. Majiru was actually the first to stick around after receiving her abusive text mail, twice. He didn't yell, he didn't cry, he just asked. More than once. She even told him it was a stupid question, but he still wanted an answer.

_You want to know? As if I'd tell you._

"Well then, is there any way you Would tell me?"

Meru decided to go with an insult. _When you can beat a guy about twice your size, I'll tell you._ This message was made to discourage him, as he would have difficulty beating a person like that.

"All right, I will!"

Meru looked at him in shock as he ran off.

'Fortunately, I know a guy who's easy to beat in anything.'

Back to the present situation, Majiru knew that one of the two girls wouldn't accept this. On the slight chance Komori actually loved him more for this, he would figure that Meru wouldn't accept Nozomu as an 'opponent' to be beat. If Meru would open up to him, he figured that Komori wouldn't accept this challenge. On the slight chance that he wins over both, he will decide to be Meru's comfort, and Komori's lover. If he didn't win either, then he would move on. A ½ chance of getting Komori, a 1/4 chance of getting Meru or ½ for being comfort, and a 1/4 chance of getting nothing. The odds were in his favor. But he still didn't really wish to beat his uncle. But he felt that in order to continue his life, he would need to find out what would happen if he tried to win one or more girls in an attempt at romance, or else he wouldn't know what to expect later.

Now for the drama with Kudou and Nami.

"He said, 'Meet me at the Mask shop at 11:00 am wearing a mask to identify by.' Luckily for me, I got my mask ahead of time! It was sold to me by the artist, Kei!" Nami holds up an Itoshiki Nozomu mask. "He'll surely recognize me with this unique mask of our sensei!" That logic... it's so... Normal.

"Don't say normal!"

On Kudou's side.

"Sometimes normal is good. Normal charm, normal speech, normal beauty... is still beauty. Well, we agreed to meet in masks that would be easily identifiable... So I got this from an artist on campus." He held up a Nozomu mask. "At the mask shop, at 11:00 am. I'm sure that this mask is unique. She'll surely recognize me with this unique mask of our sensei!"

Meanwhile, Kagerou.... is still unnoticed. "Hey! I'm putting a mask on. Maybe now I'll be recognized!" He held up a Nozomu mask. "Especially if it's the face of the wanted Sensei."

And Maria... "It's so fun wearing this Sensei mask!" She said as she was hanging from the ceiling. It was a Nozomu mask. "And everyone is meeting at 11:00 in front of the mask shop to show off our impressions of Sensei!" She thought it would be an amusing contest. Winner gets 1,000 yen.

You see a stand outside. It reads, "Itoshiki Nozomu! Wear the Face of Despair! Masks on Sale for 500 yen!" And hanging from it is a banner that says "Sold Out."

August 11th, 2009, 11:00 am at the Autumn festival's mask shop, all of hell will break loose.

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Well, this was an incredibly short chapter for my tastes, but it's 1:52 right now, and I'll continue tomorrow. If I don't get some sleep, I'll be in despair.

Oh hey, *yawn*, it's a woman. Oh, hello woman. Oh, look, she's growing wings. Her ears are pointed. Her hands changed to claws. Isn't that a succubu-?

_Eternal Sleep._


	4. I knew it wouldn't last

As you all may remember, I paired up Jun and Nami. Junami! I don't think it's a real word, but hey. I just realized this. Thanks to a reviewer. Which one? Check yourself.

Here to comment on this story is Ai Kaga!

"Where am I?"

That isn't important. All you need to know is that I'm the author of this fic!

"Wait. I'm currently not in the story?"

Not until the chapter starts.

"Am I supposed to be breaking the fourth wall? I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

Hey, I break it too.... But my tendency to do so leaves me in despair.

More character commentaries after this.

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Chapter Four: I knew it wouldn't last, but I gave it a shot anyways.

Now, we all know at this point in time that Jun Kudou asked Nami Hito out to the school festival. Hearing the way he confessed, and taking into the account his personality, you would think that he isn't the kind of person that gets nervous. You're wrong. He was nervous. The real reality behind that confession is surprising.

Backtracking a couple of days, Jun is, at the moment, gathering up all the courage he has to talk to the girl standing outside the classroom. He walks over....

"Excuse me Nami-san."

"Yes Kudou-kun?"

After he asked her out, he walked to the end of the hallway, and waited until he had made the corner to run all the way to the bathroom. Standing at the sink, and looking into the mirror as he splashed some water on his face, he thought, 'I never thought it would be this nerve-wracking.' People oftentimes underestimate love. At heart, Jun Kudou really is a calm person, and he isn't the type of person who gets nervous. But when confronted with the person you truly love.... everyone gets nervous at first, even Jun Kudou. It took all of his concentration not to break out into a series of, "uhs", and "ums". Yes, the heart is a complicated thing. And while Jun is able to see what people see as beautiful (in this version, he really can read people's hearts) to tell a story, he is not able to read his own heart. He didn't know he was nervous until he saw Nami standing in front of the classroom. Even before then, whenever he saw or thought about her, his heart would start thumping as if he were confessing, regardless of whether or not Nami was even talking to him. Given his nature, he is not familiar with this feeling. But he will, eventually, learn to cope with it. We'll see.

The night before the festival...

In Jun's room. Jun was lying on his bed.

'Sigh. Just thinking about her makes my hear go "pitter-pat". I've never felt this way. About anyone. Not since...' Jun fell asleep with a strained face. Apparently, he didn't want to think what he was thinking.

At Kagerou's home...

"I can clearly remember the events of yesterday....."

Until I say "end of flashback", assume that it's still a flashback.

Flashback begin.

Abiru and Kagerou are in a storage room...

"It's so dark Kagerou. I can't believe they accidentally locked us in."

"Yes.... we need to wait for help... and we also need to pass the time, or else we'll get bored..."

Two minutes later..

"No Kagerou! We can't... what if they find us?"

"They won't. And if they do, I'll take the heat."

"Oh Kagerou... take me..."

The following events are too graphic. Imagine it for your self.

End of flashback.

"And that's exactly what I wrote in my diary."

It was only a production of his lonely imagination.

"I may not have had the courage to ask her there myself, but I will propose when I see her at the festival."

Dude, nobody's paying attention. In fact, it just looks like a voice is coming out of nowhere.

"Sob..... Sob..."

Let's let him cry in peace. Meanwhile, in the closet in Komori's room...

'Well, not only do I have to answer that challenge, I need to show Komori-san a good time, as I promised.' The depressed teacher sighed. "Why do difficulties happen to me?" Because it's entertaining to see how you deal with them. Komori was right outside the closet. She had been wrapped up in her blanket and sitting against the closet door since two days ago. She was waiting until the time when Nozomu would come out to prepare for the festival.

"Sensei..."

Kafuka and Ai were, at the time, deciding on what they should do when to get sensei out of the closet (they haven't heard that he's coming to the festival). Matoi knew (because of her wire), but she kept that to herself. She was afraid that Chiri or Kaere might hear.

Chiri couldn't focus on the preparations for the festival. She kept wondering where her future husband was. 'I shouldn't be thinking of him right now! I need to focus on the festival! But...' Chiri put her hand on her chest. '... it keeps thumping. If this keeps up, I won't be able to coordinate the festival preparations properly....' The heart works in mysterious ways. As it turns out, after getting to know him, she actually came to love him. It still mattered to her that because they inadvertently slept together, they had to get married. But now, she wants to get married for something more.... although, she has yet to realize this. Her heart is keeping her from her proper way of doing things by filling her head with distracting thoughts.

"Everyone! I've written down instructions on this sheet of paper that I want you to follow properly! If I find one thing out of place tomorrow..." Chiri holds up a spade, and her eyes narrow. "I think you get the picture..." The rest of the class shudders in fear, except for Maria, who was goofing off in a familiar mask.

"Gotta get ready for the contest, yup!"

Mayo was at home.... sharpening pencils. And a fruit knife (she didn't want to **kill** him). And she was stacking bricks. 'I love that timid man. So I'll...' She held up a brick and held it to her chest with an ecstatic look on her face. '... beat him senseless!' I **just** figured out how to make little hearts. Type a capital Y and highlight it. Change it to Webdings instead of Times New Roman. But it doesn't show up on . Can someone help me?

Back to Kafuka and Ai.... "Alright Ai-san? You understand the plan, right?"

"Um, I'm sorry, but could you repeat that once more?"

"Alright! The plan is, when everyone is enjoying the festival, we will sneak Sensei out of the closet! The first step is getting him out of the closet. He may not agree at first.... but when we tell him that we're sending him to a place away from his love struck students (preferably somewhere in Greenland) he'll quickly agree. Instead of actually taking him to Greenland, we'll take him to Hokkaido, and disguise it as Greenland. We'll scatter his personal belongings around, reminding him of his life back in Japan. Finally, we'll drop his student handbook near him, reminding him of how much he misses his students. He'll want to come back, completely open to everyone's feelings about him, making it a happy ending for everyone!"

"..... Um, Kafuka-san..."

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry if this ruins anything but, I don't think it will be happy in the end..."

"Why not?"

"Because eventually, Sensei will need to choose someone, right? And the rejected people will be hurt, right?"

Kafuka paused. That part hadn't been thought out. What did happen after that?

"Everyone can move on... and find true happiness.... and even if they can't, there's another solution! Sensei will be able to love as many people as he wants.... as long as it isn't sexual, and doesn't get married! If he isn't in it for sex, there won't be a problem, and if he isn't legally committed, he won't have to stay with just one girl!"

"Sorry, but doesn't Chiri-san want to marry him?"

This is where Kafuka changes the subject. "Ah! We have to work on our entry if this is to work..."

It seems that everyone is preparing for something. Kafuka, Ai, Mayo and Matoi, for their sensei, Chiri, for her proposal, Maria, for the contest, Kagerou.... sorry, I wasn't paying attention, and Kaere..... another lawsuit. Against Kagerou. For the Divine Wind. And him being there at the exact same time.

It is midnight. The end of the 10th and the beginning of the 11th. Eleven hours until the festival, and Nozomu still had problems. 'I still don't know what the challenge is even for. Why is he so mad? The rest of the class seems to have given up looking for me. Komori-san is kind for letting me stay here. But I can't shake the feeling that there's more to it than that...' He thinks back to what she said, "Affection that lasts that long doesn't just 'subside'." 'She's just a teenaged girl. They all are. I'm sure that they've all fallen in and out of love easily... especially Tsunetsuki-san.'

Nozomu had no way to resolve any of these problems. The class would resume their search after the festival. He still didn't know what Majiru was mad about. And he still had to deal with the fact that some of his students loved him. 'Even if the love will go... until the end of the year, I'm not really safe. I never know when the love will come, or go...' That was enough. He needs to get enough rest to keep his promise to Komori. He could despair about it tomorrow. It's ironic that a man who can see many problems and analyze them wouldn't try to solve them. Any problem that he had solved, he never meant to. Not because he enjoys problems to despair about, but because he thinks that it's hopeless, and that a person like him could never solve any major problems. Tomorrow, he would be forced to solve all of these problems. Because if he didn't, he would have more problems. And nobody likes that.

Finally, the morning of the festival.....

"Sensei.... Sensei.... Sensei!"

"Huh? Oh, what?"

"It's morning. We need to get ready for the festival."

"Oh...."

So they got ready. In lieu of what he usually wears, Nozomu dressed in a male school uniform. "This way, they won't recognize me."

"But didn't you wear it in Kuusou Rumba?"

"Yes, but that was just the opening theme."

"But maybe to differentiate, you could wear a female uniform..."

"....... No."

Nozomu put on the wig that he had, but the long hair didn't really suit him. So he decided not to wear it. He put on the mask resembling his face.

"Um, Komori-san.... I just realized this but, don't you think that this is an unbelievable disguise? I'm not sure about everyone else, but Chiri-san is smart, and she might figure out the ruse..."

"No, she and everyone else will be focused on the festival. And besides, I bought that mask. When I saw the stand, there were many other masks. They will see you wearing a mask, but only seeing you wear a mask and a uniform, you'll look like a student masquerading as Sensei."

"Ah."

"..... We still need to settle things with Majiru-kun. So I'll meet you at the mask shop at 11:00."

"Wait, you're coming outside?"

"While I don't usually go outside..... just with you, I'll go...."

'She seems to be more comfortable around me..... Well, I am her sensei. She is familiar with me. And I'm sure that she'd say that to Kafuka, and her friends.' Well even though that IS the truth, there was intimacy in her voice that Nozomu apparently didn't hear.

"And Sensei, it's better that you get there early than late, and get him angry. I'll be out in a few..."

"Alright."

Nozomu made his way to the mask shop and made it at 10:50. At the same time, Majiru was walking over to the mask shop. "I know this plan I have isn't what Meru may have wanted, but I'll make up with that using wordplay." Then he saw Nozomu's face. "Um, Nozomu? We're supposed to meet at that mask shop over there. I can't beat you unless we're at the appointed area at the right time."

"Who taught you how to be uptight? Chiri-chan?"

'Wait a minute. That isn't Nozomu's voice.' "Who are you?" After saying this, he immediately realized that this person was reading a book.

The person lifted his mask. It was Jun Kudou.

"Kudou-san!"

"Yeah, I'm making my way over to the mask shop. Did this Sensei mask fool you?"

"Yes....."

"Well then, it might also fool Nami. We both decided to come in a distinguishable mask. After I fool her with this mask that was openly sold, I'll take it off and surprise her."

"Yeah, but won't she ignore you if she thinks that you're just another sensei-mask-wearing student?"

"...... Oh yeah. I'd better hurry over there and tell her now."

Jun made his way over to the mask shop. Nami went over to the mask shop wearing her mask. Mayo arrived at the mask shop. Komori came to the mask shop. Nozomu was already there. All of them opened their mouths in awe when a crowd came at exactly 11:00. Maria stood up on a podium as she said, "Welcome to the first annual Zetsubou contest!" Everywhere you turn, there was a person with Nozomu's face. You couldn't distinguish any of them.

Jun, Nami, Komori, and Nozomu all thought 'This. Is. I-M-P-O-S-S-I-B-L-E!'

Mayo thought 'How will I know which one to hit?'

Kaere thought, 'I don't know which Sensei to sue?'

And as for Kafuka and Ai....

"Where's Sensei?"

"I'm sorry, but did we need to blast a hole in the roof to get here?"

It's gonna be a long day.

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We now bring you a comment from Kagerou Usui! So tell us, how do you feel about your role in the manga series?

"Well, I do feel good about my role as one of the opponents in the Kanto tournament. But it's emphasized too much that while I train to be the best football player, my younger brother is already a genius football player who doesn't train."

Hey wait! This is U**n**sui **Kongo**! Where's Kagerou Usui?

"...... I'm standing.... in front of you....."

Who said that?

_The daily Death Theater._

Today's my wedding day. My wife is a gymnast, a professional athlete in all sports and exercises, and an Olympic gold medal winner! Hey, she's gonna show us her Javelin toss! And who better to stand straight across from her, so I can judge the distance! Go for it, Hone-

_STAB_

Yup, this time, a woman threw a javelin through my chest! Or neck. Whichever is better.

Just an FYI, this theater will appear after every chapter with a name now. And I will now be using the Japanese word for 'Sorry' (Sumimasen) when Ai Kaga speaks. (I didn't do it in this chapter because I found out the word when I was more than halfway through with this chapter). Hey, my wife is-

_STAB AGAIN_


	5. Ensuing Chaos at the School Fest

1I'm writing my stories now.... but I have six stories to write! It gets tedious having to write six chapters..... So I devised a schedule. I will work on one chapter a day, and rest on Sunday. But this plan has flaws!

In the case that I have so much homework that I'll stay up through the night to finish it, I wont get anything done! But if I focus on these stories instead of homework, my grades will plummet!

I'm in Despair! Not being able to do what I want and what I **need** to do has left me in despair!

Kafuka: Well, why don't you do both?

Kafuka, I need to sleep!

"Well, whenever my father had too much to do in a day, he would take these!"

..... these are energy pills. They cause insomnia.

"Exactly! Being awake means you can finish all that!"

But my attention will wander more in school if I stay up ALL night! Doing both will keep me up all night! Those pills may help with this whole thing, but it does nothing to help with... aw, forget it!

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Chapter 5: Ensuing Chaos at the School Festival.

Absolutely Everybody was wearing a mask! And those masks were all of Nozomu!

"Zetsubou Shitta!" could be heard everywhere, in attempts to imitate the teacher of despair.

Nozomu was depressed. "Is it really that easy to make fun of me? What a shock..."

A gavel banging on something could be heard. Maria was standing on a podium.... wearing a curly wig. "Maria will be the judge of this contest!" I don't need to state the obvious.

"First contestant, up!" A random student came up.

"Ahem... Zetsubou Shitta!" He had a really deep voice.

"Maria finds you guilty!"

"Of what?"

"Giving a bad impression of our teacher!" ..... I REALLY, don't need to state the obvious here, right?

After a few more tryouts, this happened.

Matoi came up, mask on face. "Ahem, Zetsubou Shitta!" Her voice was too high.

"Sorry, guilty."

"Oh! I'll correct myself. _Zetsubou Shitta!"_ This time, it was a _perfect_ imitation of Nozomu.

"Sorry, I already banged the hammer."

"No! That was a perfect imitation, and you know it!"

"For arguing with the judge, you're being held in contempt!"

Two _actual_ bailiffs escorted Matoi out. ....... I Wanna state the obvious!

Matoi only competed because since she wasn't allowed to be near Sensei (although she knows where he is) this is the only thing happening today that reminded her of her Sensei.

"Next!"

A male student came up next. "Sigh, this isn't going well. I'm getting more and more depressed. All these people imitating me... and for what? They're probably making fun of me. Well, I did leave them to escape a commitment... But still! It's extremely rude, and shows bad taste when you imitate someone without their consent!"

With every word, he became more and more depressed. Until finally, he raised both of his hands in a clutching motion pointed at the sky, dark lines (indicating loss of blood from the head) appeared on his head, and darkness surrounded him. "Zetsubou Shitta! Being ridiculed publicly had left me in Despair!"

....... It had been about 20 seconds before he realized that he said that out loud. He quickly covered his mouth (although it was covered by a mask). But then everyone clapped.

"Maria says that this was the best one ever! Not guilty!" ........ IT'S SO FRUSTRATING!

Majiru was there at the time. So was Komori. In case you were wondering, the person up there is actually Nozomu, and he had just won a contest which basis was imitating himself. Apparently Majiru and Komori realized this too because they each goggled at this 0-0. 'What is he doing?' Was the exact thought running through both of their minds. And just in case you were wondering, in lieu of her blanket, Komori was wearing what everybody else was wearing. A standard school sera fuku (and for those of you not in Japanese II, sailor outfit) with loose black socks. I say this because the only other thing that stands out from the uniform itself is the kind of footwear each girl is wearing. And I don't really need to go in-depth with the male uniform because it already makes everyone who wears it look awesome.... except Aoyama. Sorry.

Wait, where was I? Oh yeah.

Itoshiki Nozomu had won the cash prize of....... 4 yen. What a rip-off. Well anyways, this happened.

"Now, will the winner please take off his mask and tell us who he is!"

"................"

Kafuka and Ai just made the scene. Unfortunately for Nozomu, Kafuka could tell the difference between him, and a guy wearing a mask. And before he could protest to removing his mask...

"Sensei!" Was what Kafuka said. Flinch is what Nozomu did.

A very uptight person in a mask said, "Sensei isn't here! We're all just wearing masks!"

But then everyone was eying the student who won. _'Right?'_

Nozomu started to get nervous. "U-um, I need to get going... I've got this.... important... thing" And then he ran off.

Maria said, "Chiri-chan, who was that?"

"Well, lets see. He flinched when she said 'Sensei'. He ran away when he had to take off his mask. I think it's Sensei!"

Within' the crowd, you could hear shouts of:

"Sensei? Lets get him!"

"Beat him up!"

"Force him into marriage."

But the people saying this all had the same thought.

'_Who's the real Sensei again?'_

The confusion here led to everybody asking,

"Have you seen Sensei?"

"Are you the real Sensei?"

"Why is everybody asking me if I'm Sensei?"

Things were frantic. Meanwhile, Kafuka and Ai were sneaking the real Nozomu away.

"Sumimasen! Sumimasen!"

"Sorry sensei."

"Kafuka, I understand why you're apologizing, but Ai-san, why....?"

Ai just shook her head. "I could have stopped her!"

Nozomu just thought, 'True, but you didn't know she would...'

"So what do we do now?"

But Nozomu had already left. "Where did he go?"

Behind the school building, Nozomu had already met with Majiru, Komori, and.... for some reason, Meru.

_What am I doing here?_

Majiru spoke. "I need to prove something to you."

Nozomu asked, "So what is this? A competition?"

"..... Sorry Nozomu, but I need to beat a guy who's twice my size!"

"Huh?"

Majiru swiftly used his leg to sweep Nozomu, off his feet. Once he was on the ground, Majiru whispered to him, "_This is a ploy to impress Meru. The winner also gets Kiri-chan, although she gets to decide if she goes. Get it?_"

Nozomu finally got it. 'I see. My nephew is in love with two girls. And he felt jealous because I'm with them more. As much as I'd like to tell him that it's hopeless, I can't interfere with young love. That is the most innocent love, and what kind of person would I be to get in the way?' Even he has morals.

"_Alright._"

Nozomu played dead. In the best way he could, he played dead. No life signs could be detected. Of course, he was still alive. He is able to play possum so well, because it is the closest thing to sweet death he has.

Fortunately, he was so weak willed, that this ruse completely convinced Meru and Komori.

_Must've hit his head hard.... the weakling._

"Ah, Sensei! Are you alright?"

In the end though, Komori Kiri declined. She said that While she could be in that kind of relationship with him at this point, she feels more comfortable around Nozomu.

And if I may say something, the whole contest was childish. It may be because I never had a girlfriend (though I have been kissed), but I still think it's a terrible idea for a girl to be a prize in a stupid contest. Win the girl over yourself, dude.

On the other hand.... back inside the classroom. It's just the two of them.

_So I guess I need to uphold that "promise" huh? How stupid was I to do that?_ Okay, this time, she insulted herself. That's new

While my comments earlier suggested that I don't like contests being held for pointless reasons, this, is not a pointless reason. And some pointless things you just have to do once.

Majiru truly wanted to know. There's a reason. Majiru heard the stories of how she was mistreated because of her voice. The abusive texts might have another source of pain... and though Majiru was partially doing this because he loves Meru (at this point he had completely forgotten the voice dub incident), he is also doing it because he is genuinely concerned.

"So tell me. I know that you wont talk.... but why are you so abusive in these texts?"

_..... Look...._

Meanwhile, back at the festival.

Everyone was packing up for the day. Man! That was short! All this time, I had been talking about the festival, and it only happens for 1.5 chapters?!..... or does it?

Nozomu had waken up, his head in Matoi's lap.

"... I know that the answer will be the same, but Tsunetsuki-san? How long have you been here?"

"The whole time. I knew where you were from the start, and I kept watching you, even as I imitated your voice before Judge Maria." ......... Can I say it now? SHE WAS NOT A JUDGE IN THAT MANNER! That felt good to finally say!

When he sat up, his eyes met Chiri's. "Ah! Chiri-chan!"

"Sensei, I'm letting you off for tonight. Afterward, I'll give you a day's head-start to hide again."

"..... Why?"

"While the commitment should come first, Kafuka-san said that it wouldn't be proper in the least to hunt you down this evening."

'Was that persuasion, or did Kafuka actually mean it?' "Again I ask, why?"

"Because...."

Nozomu turned around, and he was surrounded by his students.

Kafuka, Chiri, Matoi, Kiri, Ai, Abiru, Harumi, Meru, Kaere, Maria, Mayo, Kotokon (not really interested), Manami, Marui, Kuniya, Aoyama, and a voice! "I'm Usui! Usui... I wore this mask, and I was still ignored.... nobody even called me up for the contest... and I was first in line...." says the nameless voice as he sobs into nothingness.

"..... the fireworks are starting."

If you look closely, you could even see Mikoto, Kei, Rin, and Majiru. And hidden behind a rock, there was a silhouette. "Heh, family moments. Even if they don't know I'm here. And did the little squirt have to bring his entire class? Oh well, I guess I can't really call it a family moment. That was more of a wish." Who could this guy be? Well, he keeps making remarks about family, and his only description is a silhouette, meaning I don't know what he looks like. You figure it out.

And at this time.... a boy and a girl wearing masks confront each other.

"Is that you Nami-chan?"

"Kudou-kun?"

"I've been looking all over for you!"

"Me too!"

"Me too".... it's such a normal response.

"Don't say normal!"

If you had said, "I have been looking for you too", or, "I've looked for you as well", They would sound slightly more original.

They had finally found each other.... and good timing. The fireworks are starting....

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Hello. How was the festival? I know that you all were expecting more, but true romance doesn't bloom until you've spent a night with the one you love. And no, I don't mean sex. I mean a date of sorts. Sure, daytime dating is the same, but we're at a school festival setting people. Sunshine is for the park dates. Festival/school dates are more romantic with the stars and the moon shining! But that's just my opinion.

_The Daily Death Theater._

My sister hates me. I love her as much as a brother can, but she says I'm ignorant. That isn't true! Since our parents took away her phone, she's been using a telephone. In fact, she's fixing it right now. It must've broken. Oh, she's taking the wires to me. Maybe she needs help! Hi! I'd be glad to hel-

_Gack! Kak.....kaaaaaa!_

_Strangulation._


	6. BLISS

Zetsuboushita! My long delay in all my stories and failure to keep up to my commitment has left me in despair! Schoolwork has booked me 24/7, and I can't fit in time for my promises!

Kafuka: "Well, there is good news too!"

Ahem.... yes. I will now reveal where I got the Junami pairing from.

One: Because one is the most noticeable guy in the class, and the other is.... normal. "Don't say normal!"

And Two: Because of the Marionette ending. I don't care what anybody says, Nami looked pretty, and Kudou looked awesome (What with his cool pose and Kino, Haga, and Aoyama looking up to him). I started to wonder, 'what if these two hooked up?' And that's half of where the ideas came from.

atoms2ashes-san is a good author. He's making more headway in his story, "New Despair", than I am in my story! His story is one of my favorites, mainly because his is the only other continuing one! Thank you for the honorable mention in your story! I'm truly undeserving! (I'm serious.)

And Sei-sama's story, "The Ultimate Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei Fanfiction" Was one of the works that inspired me to become an author for this series!

I bow my head to both of you! (At this exact moment, I really am bowing my head).

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Chapter 6: Pure Bliss Never Lasts.

Okay, for starters, you all thought that Majiru was going to challenge Nozomu to something, you are mistaken. It was said that there was "Something going on in the festival" in which it would be excusable to beat somebody. It was _The World's Greatest One-sided Fist Fights, Caught on Tape_! Obviously, someone was taping Majiru tripping Nozomu and taking him down. That video was edited to make it look like Majiru kicked Nozomu's nuts (don't ask how) and Nozomu doubled over in pain, to make it hilarious.

Back to the scene of Jun and Nami at the fireworks show alone...

"Nami-san.... Nami....

"Kudou-kun.... no, Jun....."

This was it! Although I can't see this story ending any time soon (since it's a harem story and the male lead is being extremely difficult), a confession is taking place! Jun's heart was pounding.... the girl he had longed for since the day he met her!

Nami was happy. She never thought she had a shot with Jun Kudou. A man who can move hearts as he can could have any girl he wanted (a majority of the girls who don't love Nozomu are admirers of Jun, by the way), but he chose a girl as normal as she. "Don't say normal!" Hey, these are your thoughts.

Jun didn't really go for any of the girls that it would be obvious to start a relationship with. Nami's desire to be different... it was normal. She was true to what her heart wanted, which was to be different. And in a way, she was. In every other school, you would find groups of girls yearning to be noticed for a unique trait, just like Nami. But in this school, her normality and desire to be normal was what made her stand out. In comparison to most people in the world, she was normal, but at that school, it was different. She was pure. It was that normality that charmed Jun, and he would do anything for her.

"Nami... I...." Jun could no longer hold anything back! His feelings for her and her pure heart.... he couldn't stand it anymore!

But then.... *throb*.

Jun's heart ached. Memories came flashing back to him, one by one.

A happy girl....

A blushing face....

An angry expression....

A smack across the face...

Loneliness....

All of these memories made Jun's heart ache! The pain... the pain he felt in his heart.... an unforgettable memory that at first made him second guess his feelings for another...

When he fell for Nami, this memory had made him second guess. The love for Nami and the memory made Jun think, 'Will it last? Will happiness prevail?' Jun told those stories in part due to this memory (and don't ask, I know you're wondering what it is. Wait till a later chapter), to bring bliss to people. To make tears of joy. To touch those hearts, and give the happiness that he lost. (By now, you can probably guess what the memory is, but the whole story still should remain in the dark for now).

Before Jun said anything more, he ran away. Jun only felt this way once, and it ended badly. He doesn't want his heart to go through such pain again. He wasn't taking any chances.

Nami stood there. She didn't know what to make of it. Jun spoke her first name with such sincerity, and yet....? The sincerity of his voice was proof enough that he wasn't just leading her on, and it was also proof that there was more behind this.

In related news...

The last of the fireworks were going off. A few red explosions... then green.... some blue.... and a combination of any colors.... it was a beautiful sight. And Nozomu saw it with his class and family.

"Sigh... it's times like these that I remember that the world is happier than I am."

But the beauty didn't in the least make Nozomu happy.

"Komori-san seems to be happy." He looked over and saw a cute smile on her face (cute to everyone except Nozomu, since he doesn't think those kinds of thoughts about younger women). 'Well, I guess in my entire pathetic life... I made one person happy. Maybe two, counting Majiru.' That depends on if it works out.

Nozomu only thought one happy thought that day. He made someone else happy. But that was it. Nothing more, nothing less. And that was the first happy thought he had... in sixteen years.

But this happiness didn't last. It was one thing. And Nozomu still retained his completely negative attitude.

Nozomu was a pessimist. He thought of everyone in a higher regard (although he does think that a lot of them are ignorant about things in the world). He thinks that true happiness would never come to him. And true happiness lasts forever.

The girls in his class who love him already found their true happiness, I'll tell you that right now. But that happiness is only half-lived until the person that this happiness comes from also feels the happiness that they try to offer him in return.

The mysterious silhouette behind the rock says "Tsk, tsk. Nozomu, you fool, you're denying them full happiness. The happiness I won't experience again.... my family." If you've seen the Itoshiki family tree, you may know who this guy is.

Now, on to the Majiru and Meru scenario...

_It didn't stop with insulting my voice, dipshit. After I stopped speaking, there were many other things that inconsiderate jackasses could make fun of..._

"Like what?" Majiru asked curiously.

_They called me short, flat-chested, Ms. Mute, they insulted the way I used to.... cry.... when they insulted me, the bastards called me a crybaby._ At this point in time, she was just cussing to keep up the facade that she had going on. _And then they called me a freak for not making noise when I cried, and just texted *sob* whenever I would usually wail. I was sick of it!_

"So you abuse others in your texts so they won't insult you? Or because they insult you?"

_Both of your idiotic answers are correct._ She was talking mean, but tears started to form in her eyes. _You can't imagine... what I went through.... day after day, I was insulted.... and now I text things that I don't even mean 50% of the time!_ By now, tears started spilling from her eyes. _The pain of being insulted... and the guilt that the insults I make leave!_ She grabbed onto Majiru's shirt. _Using one painful action to cover another! It's been..._ She buried her face into Majiru's chest. _...horrible!_

Majiru blushed slightly, but his face remained serious. 'This girl has been through too much.... I shouldn't have pushed her.'

"Meru... even now, I know you won't speak, but it's okay to cry. You can put your phone down. Just.... let all your emotions go, okay?" Majiru didn't know where these words came from. I know though. They came from his heart. He didn't like seeing Meru like this. He would be her confidant, until she would want to speak. Which probably wont be for a while.

He held her in his arms.

"Meru..." In his heart, he knew that Meru wasn't feeling the same way that he did. She probably wouldn't ever think or feel that way about him. He truly wanted her to love him back, but he knew she wouldn't. Even so, he was happy to be helping someone he loves.

This happiness will last forever.... but it is incomplete. His heart is not completely fulfilled.

The eternal bliss that everyone wishes for... is nearly impossible to achieve standing still. But it can still be received if you reach for it.

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I bet that you weren't expecting a chapter like this, huh? No, this is not the end of the fanfic, I just ended on a more serious tone.

Like the anime, I will be shifting from comic to serious to comic tone again (and when it's a serious tone, the title of the chapter will actually make sense!), so yeah!

I haven't really settled on who Sensei will end up with, but if I did, I wouldn't really be working on a harem fanfic, now would I? I would just write a story with the two characters! You see, this is what makes writing a harem fanfic fun, the unpredictability! (But that's also it's downfall, as it's hard for harem authors to find a place to end the story... and find out who the dude will end up with.)

I really can't decide. Kuusou Rumba, or Hito Toshite Jiku ga Bureteiru as my favorite opening? Marionette is my definite favorite ending, but.... Yeah....

And Sorry for the incredibly short chapter. I'm just finishing at 5:12 AM. so, I'm pretty tired. Maybe that's also the reason for the serious Tone.

_The Daily Death Theater._

Man, I never thought that my worst enemies at school would throw me a birthday party! I thought those guys hated me, but I was wrong! A party at the Grand Canyon? Awesome! And it's my turn to hit the Pinata! Okay, the blind fold is on, They spun me, and now I'm dizzy. Oh, somebody's trying to push me in the direction of the Pinata. What's this sinking feeling I'm having? It's as if I'm falling.... did we plan a bungee ju-

_SPLAT._


	7. DEFENSE

This is an advertising sentence advertising the Zetsubou Sensei Revival Club. Ato-san, creator of New Despair created this Club, but as I just asked him myself if I could help, I don't have the details. In any case, please join up.

I just transferred. At my new school, I've made relatively few friends, but that's more friends than I thought I'd make. But a guy and a group of his friends seem to be avoiding me, and even called me a stalker when I followed them! But I only did that for like, five minutes! Because I thought I was their friend! But apparently that's not the case!

Zetsuboushitta! Being led on to believe that I was someone's friend, and then being ignored and labeled has left me in despair! Now, because they avoid me, I feel even more insecure about myself, and I find it harder to talk to people and introduce myself! Especially because of the fact that everyone else in the school got past the introductory phase, while I'm a new transfer student!

Kafuka: "Well, you did make a couple of new friends who seem to like you!"

True.... I did. But the whole aforementioned situation left me in despair for awhile. I doubt that I'll make many more friends.

"Don't speak like that! I became your friend, didn't I?"

Well.... That only gives me a little bit more confidence. I need another week to build up the courage to speak to more people.

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Chapter 7: I've Been Hiding Under this Attitude so Nobody would See my Weak DEFENSE.(A parody of the name of the second opening to Eyeshield 21.)

Today, I'm focusing on the Meru and Majiru side. Next chapter, it'll be Nozomu. And after that, we'll see the deal with Jun and Nami.

Meru and Majiru walked down the secluded hallway after their talk.

'Being together.... feels strange. I want to be with her, but I feel nervous.' Could it be love? 'Well I do love her.... but she won't feel the same way, so I shouldn't feel nervous...' The opposite is true. He wants her to feel the same way. He wants to tell her how he feels... but he would be incredibly embarrassed, and that's why he feels nervous.

"Meru..."

_What is it._ This text was more of a statement that a question.

"You showed me how you felt... I don't exactly know what this means."

_It means that you're the only person who bothered to ask me intimately._ _And.... you are now the only person I trust. _This was the first non-abusive text message that Meru had sent. She actually trusts him. Because he cares.

".... Thank you."

_For what?_

"Oh, nothing!"

For the next couple of days, nobody received a text from Meru. People didn't really notice, because they were still searching for their Sensei. But then, Kaede bumped into her.

_Watch where you're going, you love-struck idiot._ Meru was completely aware that she was talking to Kaede.

But then, an **anvil** falls on Kaede's head, and she turns back into Kaere. "She may forgive that, but I won't1 I'll sue!" I'm still wondering why if she has a persona more suited for Japan, why does she remain in her foreign one more often... oh well.

At the end of the day, the only ones left in the classroom were Meru and Majiru.

_I.... insulted Kaede today._

"Why?"

_I just.... felt like saying something. People expect me to respond. If I don't, it'll seem strange._

"But you didn't have to..."

_..... I just don't want it to happen._

"What?"

Meru walked out slowly.

'I don't really know anything about her. She doesn't want what to happen?' Majiru thought for a few seconds. 'Oh.'

Meru got on a train. She sat next to an old man with a creepy smile. She didn't think much of it.

"Meru!" Majiru said, as he entered the train along with all of the Rush Hour following.

Meru got up, but she got caught up in the crowd. She couldn't find Majiru. She was scrunched in the small space she had to move, but someone used this opportunity....

"!!!" Someone grabbed Meru's chest!

"Feh, it's flat..." She heard someone whisper. It's that old man with the smile. "So lets see, what do we have here...." His hand moved towards her skirt...

"STOOOOOOOOOOOOO" The guy gets kicked in the head, "OOOOOOOOOOOP!" Majiru came to Meru's rescue! "Don't you EVER try to molest this girl Not only will you be giving this fanfic an M rating, but you'll have ME to reckon with!"

"... Oh yeah?" Said the old pervert as a bunch of other guys with the same creepy smile appeared from behind his back. "And what can one kid do against the entire Schoolgirl Train Molester Association?"

"....... Uh..."

In the midst of all the passengers, most of the old perverts blocked off an area on each side, making enough room for inflicting pain upon Majiru, but not enough room to see what was happening in that space.

Three of the members started beating Majiru. They punched his nose, kneed his stomach, chopped his forehead, anything that would inflict pain upon the boy. The presumed leader then punched his stomach, and Majiru started coughing up blood. "Cough, Cough.... Gack! Ouch..."

"We're gonna mess you up so bad for interfering with us..." But as he said that, the old pervert felt cold steel against his wrists. Handcuffs! "What?!"

An overweight police officer with a serious face and a moustache said, "Inspector Megure here! You have the right to remain silent!"

Meru had called the police.

"Thank you Meru...."

_Hey. It wouldn't be human to just let old guys beat up a little kid, now would it?_

"Ah... yeah...."

_...... Look, just don't tell anybody this happened, okay?_

"Right."

_Oh, and......... thank you._

"..............." The first time Meru ever expressed gratitude toward a person, and it's you Majiru. How lucky are you?

But this wasn't why Majiru followed Meru. He wanted to say something....

"Meru. You don't want it to start again, do you?"

_.... No._

"You're afraid that if you don't insult people when they get you angry, they will insult you?"

_When two people who get angry at each other speak, the one who is insulted will try to act mature and won't insult the person who insulted them._

"So if you never insulted someone that you were on bad terms with......?"

_They will probably insult me._

"Please, Meru. Don't have so little faith in people..."

_But even if we aren't on bad terms, there are still people who like to make fun of other people._ _And like I said, there are many things that someone can jab about when it's me._ Meru looked down. _I don't want these people to get that chance. Which is why I text things that I don't normally mean to people who aren't normally on bad terms with me._

"Meru. I don't think that there's anything there to insult. Underneath the mask, the Attitude you hide behind, you aren't a spiteful person at all. You're really pretty and....." Majiru stopped there. He just spoke what he was thinking. Majiru turned his head and blushed. "W-well, there's nothing there to insult is what I'm saying..."

Meru blushed slightly. _But what about my height? Or lack of bust?_

"Listen, height and bust are qualities that only perverts look for. In fact, some people prefer girls shorter with small breasts..... Uh, not that I'm thinking about that!"

Meru could tell that he was most definitely thinking about that. _Pervert XP._

"Uh, um, anyway! Like I was saying, body type doesn't matter. The only insult about your body you should care about is your face, since that's what really counts when falling in love.... Not that I've fallen in love with anyone!"

Meru could tell that he was in love with someone. But she left that alone, as it was too personal.

"Personality also counts. And if you _know _that you have a good personality, that is the one thing that people can't jab at.... right?"

Meru believed him, but.....

_All of those things are true, but it doesn't change the fact that people still insult.... and it still hurts....._

"We can work around that! I'll find a way, I promise! Even if it takes me my entire life!"

Meru smiled a bit. _I'll hold you to your word...._

So the day ended on a good note for both Meru and Majiru, except....

"I'm sorry that you have to carry me home...."

_You're hurt. People don't leave injured people on the street._ Um, actually, some do.

"So anyway, are you going to stop insulting people?"

_No._

"What?"

_Like I said, insults still hurt me a lot, and I don't want to take any chances._

"But what about the people who aren't particularly on bad terms with you?"

_I'm sorry for them, but friends tease each other all the time, and I cannot tell the difference between playful and spiteful insults._

"Sigh.... oh well."

Majiru's story with Meru isn't yet over. But for now, since Nozomu is the main character, He needs at least one in-story appearance, right?

At Komori's room's closet....

'I can hear footsteps outside.... without a teacher, I guess my students have nothing better to do than look for the teacher who needs to teach them.'

A crowd of students: "COMMIT! COMMIT! COMMIT!"

'..... and try to force me to hold up to commitments that I never even made..... gulp.'

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So, how did you like the Meru/Majiru story I have going on here? Yeah, I think I should change the title. I started out with just Nozomu, but now I've got three male leads, the primary one _being Nozomu_. So Nozomu's Harem is going to have a new title.

PS Meru's logic with how people insult each other sorta comes from my own personal experiences, and I included it in the story because I think this is how any heavily insulted kid would think. I also cannot tell the difference between a playful or spiteful joke or insult.

_The Daily Death Theater_

Y'know, I notice things that others don't. My incredible vision (fictional vision) allows me to see that sniper over there. He's probably been ordered to take out a threat to society. Well, I know that my new friend called me a stalker, and is now avoiding me. Could I be the threat? Nah. Oh hey! The sniper is waving! Or is he pointing? (I point at myself) Me?

_BLAM_


	8. Love Hurts

Today, the Zetsuboushitta will be left to Nozomu. He hasn't had one in a while, and he deserves it. He is the main character. Majiru can't do it, he isn't negative enough. Jun can't do it, he's too cool. Aoyama might be negative enough, but he doesn't appear enough.

Just to let you know, I get 50% of my plot ideas from the manga and anime, and 30% of plot ideas from the opening and ending sequences, such as the Kuusou Rumba, Hito Toshite Jiku ga Buretieru, the new Kuusou Rumba Rap ops, and Romanesque and Marionette endings. They seem to hold a certain amount of plot to them, even though they actually don't (and I mean the images and the song). I found out that the FINAL opening sequence I like is the Kuusou Rumba Rap. Can't compete with Rappubito.

"I personally liked the feel of Bure."

Well Kafuka, that's probably because it sounds a bit happier than the others.... and you are positive after all...

"I also like Romanesque because we all looked really sexy!"

And she says this so innocently.... because she is innocent. I liked Marionette because it emulated the feel of what the series is about. At most times the students tend to have more fun hanging out with their beloved Sensei than spending time at home, with their families. They are stringed along in his depressing misadventures, as though they were puppets. Following the teacher, true teacher's pet.

"But you have to admit, Romanesque sounds like it fits Itoshiki-sensei's personality well!"

........ You have a point there, Kafuka. Even if you all look sexy in Romanesque, the music and singing sound slightly melancholic.... just like sensei!

The anime is gone, but the manga continues. For all people who ran out of tissues due to the end of the anime, look at the bottom of this chapter for the Zetsubou-sensei Revival Club! Accepting New members!

**Disclaimer**: "You all know that Shuji Nonohana doesn't own Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei! Sillies!" Um, thank you Kafuka, but I can speak for myself....

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Chapter 8: Love Hurts. A lot. No, I don't mean psychologically, I mean physically. There is no possible way to damage a psyche, except through brain damage. Which is Physical.

Nozomu had a great plan. He didn't know why he didn't think of it before. He walked into the classroom that day....

"Sensei!" Shouted out a positively happy Kafuka, "You've returned!"

"Hai, I have returned." The whole class was about to get up.... "And before any of you try to kill me so that I'll commit to one or more of these girls, I'm glad to announce that I'll commit to one (or more depending on my situation) once they finish high school!"

At this, everyone sat down, relieved. Their sensei was gonna hold up to his commitments!..... Or so they thought.

'Fortunately for me, nobody passes my class, and they are in an infinite state of 17.... at least until they pass my class, so I won't have to uphold that promise for a while.' He had come to a realization that unless they pass, they don't age. So yeah.

After the bell rang, and school was over and done with, someone had something on her agenda.... for sensei. 'Bricks, check. Fruit knives, check. Explosives, check. Pencils, check. Pencil..... sharpener, check! Ready!' If you haven't figured out who this is yet, I'll give you a hint. It's Mayo Mitama. Damn, that wasn't a hint! I just flat out told you who it was!

'It's been too long since I physically beat my beloved within an inch of his life.... ahh.....'

For those who don't remember, she is a sadist who enjoys beating up Nozomu to express her love. An unusual method to say the least, but it's still love, and I have no right to criticize it.

The whole time he walked home, Nozomu felt that someone was following him. 'It must be Tsunetsuki-san again.' While he was technically correct, it was also Mayo who was following him. Next to Matoi. They had come to a compromise.

"_Okay, but we share, okay?_" Mayo only nodded in response (which is weird, because we hear her thoughts, but we never actually hear her speak) as she walked up behind her teacher. She tapped his shoulder.

He turned around and said, "Hello, Mitama-sa-" he was cut off as a brick made contact with his forehead. "Ouch..." Instead of taking offense, Nozomu kept it to himself. He knew that it really was Mitama, but regardless of whether or not she did do anything, prejudging was still rude, and even if the others didn't know, it was enough that **he **knew that she was a sadist.

So he just took it as a greeting from her. "Ah, yes, good afternoon to you too."

Mayo blushed at this. He was able to understand her ruthless beating!

Nozomu's blood rushed out of his head (represented by blue lines appearing on his head). He had been hurt by her so much, that he actually knows the language of S&M.

Then, she stabbed his shoulder. "Ah yes, I'm doing well, how are you?" She stabbed his hand. "Ah, you are doing well? That's good." Nozomu wasn't sure how much more he could take. He decided to keep the conversation going himself, or else he fears he would become anemic. "So how about a walk in the park? I mean, that is where I spend most of my time, and I'd like to show someone my favorite spots!" He figured that if she was busy admiring his favorite spots in the park, she wouldn't hurt him. Mayo nodded in response.

At the park....

"Allow me to show you.... this tree."

Nozomu showed Mayo the largest, and most elegant tree in the park.

"Yes, this tree is quite beautiful.... making it a perfect place for suicide!"

Mayo just watched him earnestly.

"I hate being a nuisance! That's why this tree is so great. Even if people remember this as a tree that I hung on, people will forget about it due to the fact that this tree is so beautiful and elegant!"

Then he took her to a tree up on a hill. Or a cliff. I can't really tell.

"And this tree is for if I want a beautiful death! Dying while watching the sun set on the horizon... my silhouette will make for great dramatic effect.... a truly beautiful death!"

Mayo still watched him.

Lastly, he took her to a secluded area with a bunch of trees.

"And this is where my dead body will be less of a problem! Nobody will recognize a dead body among all of these trees in a secluded area for at least a couple of weeks!"

Mayo walked up to him.... and smashed his face in with a brick.

"Well, I just have to wait until everyone's affection subsides!"

Mayo gave him a very small pinch that really hurt.

"You sound just like Komori saying that. Look, nobody is wrong, I'm just saying that love for a pitiful person such as myself is more than likely to subside, given that I'm such a damn twisted person." Guess what I just referenced.

Mayo gave this some thought. Mostly because I'm sure that most of you have been left behind on this S&M language. 'That's only what he thinks. His mental state isn't the best, but the side of his personality that allows him to care about others.... that doesn't make him twisted.' He had already evidenced that he cares for others by not wanting to cause them trouble.

Mayo stuck 29 firecrackers to his body, and fled before he exploded.

"Ouch..... she either said, 'How can you say that when I love you,' or 'why is it that you're so pathetic?' Sigh, either way, those are compliments that should go unheard."

Flash. Flash. Flash. Flash.

"Zetsuboushitta! Living in a society where my opinions don't matter has left me in despair! She didn't listen to me, she wants to believe that she loves me! Or, based on the second possibility of what she may have said, she doesn't care about what I told her anyways, and called me pathetic! Usually people are called pathetic when a comment was made, but the insult giver will usually only do that because of the face value of the words themselves, not the deep meaning behind the words!" Fortunately for us, it was the former sentence that she said, making things a bit less complex.

Before leaving, the wind blew, and Nozomu noticed a young man with a receding hair line. "Ah, hello. Have we met before."

The young man just sobbed. And nodded. "You don't really seem that familiar.... but your lack of presence overall reminds me of this feeling that I have with one of the empty desks in my class." The young man ran away.

"I'm Kagerou Usui dammit!" he said as he ran away.

"Is he really? I wouldn't know, since I've never seen Usui-kun before."

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Mid-point in the chapter! Well, its more like 1/3 point, or 1/4 point, because unlike those other times, I'm going all out on this chapter!

Kafuka: "Shuji heard that in his latest chapter, ato-san used up more than 10 pages!"

Haga: "And while he doesn't expect to catch up, he does want to break the 10 page barrier. He sorta looks up to authors and authoresses like ato-san and Sei-sama."

Haga! Don't reveal such embarrassing things about me! And what the heck are you doing here? You aren't really that much of a regular character....

Haga: Yes, well, you use so many characters in the main story, that the only ones with time to do this are me, Aoyama, Kino, Okusa, Kobushi, Marui, Kotonon, Chie-sensei, Ikkyu-san, and Kafuka, who MAKES TIME to do this out of the kindness of her heart.

So you remembered my plans for Harumi Fujiyoshi?

Haga: Nope. Coincidence.

I really question my intelligence after letting this pervert help me.

Haga: I'm not a pervert!

You've tried to grope Kafuka like, three times already!

Haga: No! I just thought that she was suffering cardiac arrest....

LIES! ALL LIES!

Kafuka: But what I HAD been suffering cardiac arrest? Haga would have saved me!

Haga: So you understand....

No! She doesn't!

Haga: I'll strike you a deal. You keep quiet, and I let you see prime photos of *whisper* in a bathing suit?

My favorite girl? No, that would be betraying them, and I will not betray anyone!

Haga: How about nude?

....... Dude, seriously, what the fuck?

Haga: Don't be like that.....

Why the hell do you even have those pictures? And of my favorite Zetsubou girl, no less!

Haga: If you keep quiet, I'll give you a regular picture.

Okay. But if I see you make any bad choices....

Haga: I can expect to be picked up by the police at your request.

Good, we understand each other.

Kafuka: He isn't a pervert! He's just **very appreciative of women's beauty**.

Kafuka-chan, I'm too tired from dealing with this pervert to argue about your over-optimism.

Haga: Plus, he's only stalling this mid-point talk to catch up with ato-san.

Sh-shut up!

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Nozomu walked home. After he got home, he fell off a cliff and died. After he died, he went into the kitchen and stabbed himself in the nose, with a spoon. The sky turned green with anger, and rained bowls of chili. Nozomu died. After Nozomu ate all of the chili, he became the master of the universe. However, Buddha didn't like this, so he zapped Nozomu with lightning and Nozomu died. Nozomu then fell up the sky and crashed into a mongoose who kicked him in his hair and he fell and died. The mongoose felt bad for Nozomu and bought him a drink. Nozomu drank his martini and pinched the bartender and took his hat and stuck it in his skin follicles. Nozomu was a good boy. He went to India where he ate cheeseburgers for the rest of his life. After his life, he went back to India to eat more cheeseburgers. He died from a cheese overdose. He then fell into the pits of X-Box. Bill Gates pissed in Nozomu's face and Nozomu blew up. Nozomu then proceeded to throw a turkey at Jesus. Jesus died. After that, everyone in the world went nuts and threw up their hats and congratulated Nozomu on BEING STUPID and killed him. After Nozomu got home, he said "What a day." He went to sleep and was raped by Mikoto.

Okay, I'll give anyone $10,000,000,000 if they can guess what the hell it is I just parodied!

Haga: Stalling!

SHUT UP HAGA!

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When Nozomu got home, he stumbled upon a devastating scene. Majiru was lying in bed, of this much he was certain but.....

"Majiru..... are you sleeping with someone else!?"

"Mmmm.... huh? Oh."

Meru popped up next to him. _Oh, it's the stupid four-eyes. What the hell are you looking at?_

"Oh, I thought this was Meru's house."

Nozomu was left in shock. "So you did something inappropriate because you thought this was Meru's house?!!"

"We didn't do what you think we did. I'm just getting into the habit of comforting Meru."

"By sleeping with her?!"

_You want that to happen, don't you? You get some sick sexual thrill of off seeing two young people in bed? Pervert._

"No! That's not it!"

Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash!

"Zetsuboushitta! Being called a pervert under false pretenses has left me in despair! Nowadays, even the smallest act, no matter how innocent it was, is considered perversion! If a guy walks in on a girl in the shower without knowing she is there, he's considered a pervert, even though it's an accident! When the wind blows up girls skirts (i.e. Kaere) the man behind her is considered a pervert, even though he doesn't control the wind, or if he wasn't even looking! If a girl is seen reading yaoi doujinshi (i.e. Harumi) she is considered a pervert! But if it's a certain pairing, then she just truly loves seeing those two together, she isn't just a crazed otaku who likes seeing boys doing it!"

A few miles away, Harumi and Kaere sneezed. They each thought, 'Is someone talking about me?'

"This society's inclination to label people so quickly has left me in despair!"

"Nozomu, isn't this like, your second 'Zetsuboushitta' this chapter?"

"Well, if I don't practice, I'll get rusty."

"Ah."

Nozomu had completely forgotten about the Meru/Majiru innocent sleeping incident.

He had actually come to get his raincoat and umbrella, as he had planned a walk through the park, but heard that it was going to rain.

He was right. As he sat on the park bench with umbrella in hand, it poured rain. In the distance, he could see a girl in the distance, standing at the base of a tree. It was Kafuka.

She looked up and smiled. "Thank you, Pink Gabriel, for keeping me dry." She looked back down, and saw Nozomu.

"You can't just stay dry by standing under that tree. The water will drop from the branches."

"It's all right. As long as I'm just a little dry, I'll be all right!"

Nozomu walked away. 'It'll be her own fault if she becomes ill.... huh?'

He looked back to see Kafuka walking in the rain, going in the opposite direction. 'What's she....?'

Kafuka was thinking deeply about something. 'I can trust him..... my secret will be safe with him... I'm positive.... I can tell him....' Her thoughts were cut off, as she saw an umbrella loom over her.

"Kafuka, you really are going to catch cold walking in the rain like that." Said Nozomu. "I can't riddle myself with more regret, so stay under this umbrella." Nozomu was pessimistic, but he wasn't so cold hearted that he would leave a girl out in the rain.

"...... thank you, Pink Supervisor."

They both said nothing the whole way....

"So your house is just a bit up ahead, Kafuka?"

"Yes."

They finally approached Kafuka's home.

'I can tell him, I can tell him, I can tell him....' Kept running through her head. It wasn't that she was troubled by it, she just wanted to let him know.

"Ah, I still need to get dinner. Take care, Kafuka."

And sensei ran off, without letting Kafuka say anything.

"Sensei...."

Nozomu pondered 'What was she doing?'

'I need to tell him...'

Back at the park, Nozomu sat on a bench under the beautiful tree that would overshadow his death. He saw two girls walking by. "Ah, Abiru, Harumi."

"Hello Sensei!"

"Hi."

"What are you two doing out here?"

Abiru answered "We're looking for Kafuka."

"Yeah, we thought that since it was raining, she'd come to her usual spot under Pink Gabriel."

Nozomu thought for a second. 'Before telling those two that I took her home, I'd better ask them why she would willingly stand out in the rain under a tree...'

"Why would she stand under a tree in the rain?"

"W-well, because it's raining, y'know?"

"I'm not convinced."

Abiru bluntly stated, "Look, you won't get anything out of us, so look for someone looser, you hear?"

Nozomu asked, "Nami-san?"

"She's the type to not think of the consequences of answering the questions you want to ask, because she doesn't know of the consequences yet. She's the only one who doesn't know, she's left in the dark, like any other person."

"You mean, she's normally left in the dark?"

"Yes, normally."

Somewhere in the distance, a shout of "Don't say Normal!" could be heard.

Nozomu made for the school, but was immediately stopped in his tracks by both Abiru and Harumi.

"Sensei, that information doesn't come cheap...." said Abiru.

"...... Huh?"

"We want you to do something for us....." said Harumi.

"....... uh?"

The next morning....

"That was terrible..... I can't ever ask those two for anything ever again...."

Let me explain. Nozomu had been forced to cosplay in hundreds of various animal tails and ears all night..... in the nude. "How embarrassing... and they said I had to pay even more if I ask them again..... I don't wanna imagine what that payment will be like..." Nozomu walked to the school. It was already late in the morning, and although he didn't really care since he was a truant teacher, he wanted to know. Why would Kafuka voluntarily stand out in the rain? It just doesn't seem like her. Until he found out, the paradox wouldn't allow him to sleep, so he went to school anyways.

He was five minutes late for class, which wasn't new to his class. He went on a long rant about how true love is never reached by anyone, or some nonsense. He wasn't really paying attention to his own lecture. His attention was mainly focused on Kafuka. She had been sitting there, smiling like always, but today, she didn't protest to anything. This was unusual to her. The only thing that she did normally, for her, was not agree with him. She didn't argue, but she didn't do anything that made it seem like she like his ideas. Mayo threw a pencil at him. 'Um, that time she said, "If true love isn't achievable, why does half of your class love you?" Because it's teenaged love, of course. Mayo is awfully talkative lately....' While not my favorite Zetsubou girl, she is in my top five.

After school ended, Nozomu sought out Nami Hitou, the world's most normal girl (with exception of the random extra characters). "Don't say Normal!"

"What? Kafuka did that?"

"Yes, and I don't know why. Can you tell me?"

"Well, this is only traceable by one fact. And it has to do with you..."

"Me? How?" Now Nozomu was intrigued.

"Lend me your ear."

For the next five minutes, Nami whispered a secret not yet known into Nozomu's ear. Then....

Flash. Flash. Flash. Flash.

"ZETSUBOUSHITTA!!!"

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I'm truly a devil. These chapters run in a sequence. Nozomu - Jun - Majiru - Nozomu - Jun - Majiru and so on. You won't figure out about this "Secret" until three chapters from now. Sumimasen!

I broke the ten page barrier! I may not have caught up, but this is the first time I've made ten pages in a chapter!

Haga: You filled up extra space with extras.

SHUT. UP. HAGA.

Got the URL for Yahoo groups? Add, /group/zetsubou/

Or just search for "zetsubou" in the search for groups area. Join the Zetsubou-sensei Revival Group!

_The Daily Death Theater_

And in conclusion, this will be the last _Daily Death Theater_. Now that 65% of this story is Drama now, and only 45% is comedic (but still retains the comedy genre), I'm looking into something more dramatic. And what could be more dramatic than.... suicide? Next chapter, It will be replaced by _Life of Despair: Suicide Theater_. Hey, it's a fan of the old _Death Theater, _and he's got a plastic bag full of goodies to reward me! He's showing me the inside of the bag.... huh? There's nothing in here! So what's the bag fo-

_*ah*! ............................_

_Suffocation_.


	9. FEAR

1This is indeed a quick update(or it would be if this was up a couple of weeks ago), but I'm on a roll. New members have joined the Zetsubou-sensei Revival Group on Yahoo(a couple of weeks ago)! I'm psyched! Even though it's ato-san's group.... I'm still happy! Even if there is relatively little activity.

But although we may be getting new members... the fact remains that I get nervous with new people, even on the internet! In real life, I'm either a quiet mute, or a complete chatterbox! Since I can't be mute online, the only choice I had was complete chatterbox! I'm sure that if I speak to people, they'd be annoyed! (And for people I might speak to, I'm sorry if I ramble).

Zetsuboushitta! My awkward social graces have left me in despair! I'm either really annoying to be around, or really awkward!

Kafuka: I still enjoy your presence.

Thank you. Maybe I'll get over this problem of mine someday. But not today. Definitely not today.

Disclaimer: "The author often forgets this, so I'm filling in." Harumi! Get back in the story!

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Chapter 9: FEAR

Jun Kudou.... Retsu Taibun-san.... or just Retsu Taibun. A name he never wished to remember. He could vaguely see it in his mind. He saw two young children kissing..... a terrible incident.... and then a break up. He had remembered this.... he did not wish to remember it though. More precise details will only come if Nami can get it out of him.

He only remembered because it was a time when his life was brighter.... when he wasn't so colorless, when he expressed more emotion around others. Nowadays, he doesn't express much. He specialized more in touching others emotionally.

He heard a knock at his door. He heard his parents open and greet a guest. He heard footsteps heading for his room. Then he heard his door open. He didn't see who came in, he was lying on his bed, facing the wall.

"Mom, why did you bring someone in here? It's messy."

"Jun, your room is never clean enough for your standards, but no matter how many times you look at it, it's spotless. Anyways, you have a visitor."

"Let me guess.... Nami-chan?"

He turned over. "Itoshiki-sensei?"

"Yeah, you left this behind."

Nozomu tossed a book. Jun caught it. The title read, _No Longer Human_. "Thank you, sensei."

"Oh and Jun...."

"Yes, Sensei?"

"Try attending school sometime. I'm already causing enough problems by being truant, I don't want you following my bad example."

"Okay..." Said Jun halfheartedly.

"Also, it doesn't look good if the coolest guy in my class doesn't even show up."

"Eh?"

"You rival Kino for most popular male student, but you always come out on top."

"Really?" Jun said expectantly.

"Well, that's how you rank in the authors mind. Next is Kino, then Aoyama, then Haga, then that truant student, Usui."

Somewhere in the world, Usui is silently crying to himself.

"But that's all in the author's mind though, right?"

"Not true. You really are the most popular male student in my class."

And with that, Nozomu left.

Jun turned back over.

"Hello..."

Jun turned back over. It was Nami this time.

"Nami-chan!" Jun fell off his bed.

"What're you doing here?"

"I want to know why you left."

"I can't..... I just can't.... I'll tell you this though, I'm not cheating."

"I knew that. I still want to know."

Jun still didn't want to relive anything he didn't want to. Instead of telling her, he jumped out of his window (first story). "Jun!"

"I really can't tell you, you'd hate me!"

"I won't, come back!"

Jun was determined to make it away and keep this memory at bay.

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Haga: "Mid point already?"

No Haga, just 1/4 point, I needed to tell everyone something.

Aoyama: Oh, do tell. (Filling in for Kafuka, as she has been playing a MAJOR role as of yet)

Okay, here it is.... Y'know Cha La Head Cha La, The Dragonball Z opening? Aya Hirano (more commonly known as the voice of Konata Izumi from Lucky Star) sounds cute when she sings it.

Haga: "....... And you called me a pervert."

Aoyama: "Y'know, I thought the same thing. Sigh... we'll be labeled perverts for the rest of our lives, Shuji."

Think back to last chapter's Zetsuboushitta! It's an innocent act being labeled as perversion! I just think she has a really cute voice!

Haga: "And I bet that you imagine that voice saying naughty things...."

Aoyama: "Only when I feel lonely....."

I don't! But now that you brought the topic up, I can almost clearly hear dirty words being used by that cute voice! Arg!

Haga: "You perverts."

Aoyama: "He's right. I'm a worthless pervert..."

No Aoyama! You aren't worthless, or a pervert! It's natural for guys your age to think about that stuff! Even if it's something weird, like a voice fetish! And as for you Haga, go fuck off! You're the one that inserted those thoughts into my head!

Haga: "But even if I supplied it, you still enjoy it, don't you?"

Aoyama: "He's right, I do.... I'm a pervert...."

Don't listen to him Aoyama! He's the real pervert! Just because one enjoys something, does not make one a pervert! I mean, what person doesn't enjoy the things that a cute girl does?

Haga: "Hm.... I seem to have met a worthy adversary."

Aoyama: *Sulking in the corner because he still believes that he is a pervert*.

You're on Haga! Anytime, Anyplace!

(Haga will now be the main host alongside me and a guest, in spite of Haga only being a side character.)

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Just an FYI, the name of Jun's former beloved, Retsu Taibun, has a meaning.

Retsu comes from "bunretsu", meaning "break up". The "bun", in "Taibun", also originates from "Bunretsu". The "Tai" in "Taibun", comes from "Taisan", another word for "Break Up". If you add the honorific "san" to her name, then you get the other half of "Taisan". It's an interesting form of wordplay I've created, but it isn't at all obvious at first glance, because I had to move so much around. Although Retsu is a real name in Japan, I highly doubt that "Taibun" is a real name, or even a real word for that matter. Hold on, let me check....

_One hour Later_

Yep, I was right, it isn't a real word.

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While chasing Jun, Nami thought, 'Nothing can keep me from loving him.... I don't care what it is, if it's bothering him, I want to help him!' Dodging people on the street, Nami finally caught up with Jun. But then she saw Jun put on a red and white striped shirt and a matching striped hat. He then automatically disappeared into the crowd. "Huh?"

"This looks similar to that foreign book I bought...." Nami pulled out a book. "Where's Waldo?"

Nami looked in her book. Then she looked at the scene before her. They were both the same! A post-festival setting with everything! In theory, if she found Waldo in this book, she would find Jun!

One hour later....

"Almost...."

Three hours later....

"I'm seeing the clues...."

Five hours.....

"WALDO, WHERE ARE YOU?"

Having completely been caught up in finding Waldo, she had forgotten why she wanted to in the first place. Well, it's normal for people to get angry and forget what they need to do because they're pissed at Waldo because he breaks the law by being so hard to find.

"I'm not Normal!"

Nami ran up to a vendor and asked, "Excuse me sir, but have you seen Waldo anywhere?"

"I saw a guy in a striped shirt walking over to the bookshop."

Nami smacked her head. Of course the bookworm heads to the bookstore!

Meanwhile, at the bookstore....

"She won't find me here." Said Jun as he took off the striped shirt and hat from his uniform. "My entire class knows how into books I am, so they know that if I wanted to **hide **I wouldn't be in the bookstore." Well yeah, in layman's terms. But Nami is neither one of your other classmates or a layman! She's Normal!

"THAT'S IT!"

Nami stomped through the bookstore, walked up to Jun and said "I'll speak to you later Jun." Then, through some unexplainable phenomenon, she bypasses the fourth wall to come to speak to me?

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Special Segment that's actually connected to the story:

Uh oh! Shuji's in trouble!

Haga: Nami? What's going on? You can't be beyond the fourth wall while you're still a part of this chapter!

Nami: SHUJI. YOU BETTER SPEAK UP IF YOU WANT TO LIVE.

Ahhhh! I've never seen you so angry! And I've never seen your hand so firmly gripped around anyone's neck like that! Gah!

Nami: Quit calling me normal!

Cough, cough *she let go*. Let's compromise. I'll only call you normal.... twice a chapter.

Nami: Once a chapter!

Okay.... but it'll be at the end of a chapter, recounting all the moments in the chapter you were normal. But it'll be just one utterance of "Normal". How's that?

Nami:................... Fine. But I swear to God, If you go back on your word.....

Nami, you almost look like Chiri, threatening me like that. Only she didn't have a gun.

Nami: Ah! Someone just touched my butt!

Haga: Shuji!

Haga you bastard! Don't try to blame ME for YOUR wrongdoings!

Haga: Don't blame me for your impulses.

Nami: *realizes all of Hell will break loose soon* I'd..... better leave.

*as she leaves, she hears a large explosion, but decides to ignore it*

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As Nami returns to the bookstore from beyond the fourth wall, and I return from my epic battle with Haga to narrate and author the story, Jun stands there dumbfounded. "Nami-chan... what was that?"

"I was taking care of some business with the author.... but anyway!"

Nami clasps Jun's hand in hers, and asks him, "What? What is it that makes you think that you'll be loathed? What is it that's so terrible that you run away from a girl that want to know, wants to care? What?"

Jun considered this: She might not loathe him for his past actions. She may find it difficult, but she might understand. He weighed the options.

Option one: He tells her and risks either her forgiving him (something he'd truly want) or total rejection meaning they won't ever talk to each other again.

Option two: Continue to push Nami away from him and his dark past, meaning he won't ever talk to her again anyway.

What did he have to lose?

"Okay Nami-chan.... here it is...."

Going back a bit... I'll use the flashback sequence, because it's cumbersome to write quotation marks at the beginning and end of every paragraph.

It was summer..... the cicadas were buzzing.... the smell of barbeque wafted through the air..... Jun Kudou, 7 years old, a completely naive boy, was about to find love.

Now you see, he had been friends with Retsu Taibun since they were born. Their mothers had known each other in college and high school, and conveniently, they lived only a block away from each other, so it was only natural that the children grew up knowing each other. But one day, Jun stumbled upon a book that his grandfather used to tell him about.

"This book, grandson, is the guide. It gives you signs. It tells you how to know.... when you've fallen in love."

Jun was a completely emotionless child at the time. Before he passed on, Jun's grandfather would try to get him to read all kinds of books on basic human emotion, and would emulate that towards his grandson, but to no avail. All Jun thought was, 'All he cares about are his stupid books. He doesn't really care about showing me what's in them, he just gets a kick out of trying something a book tells him to do.' For the most part, his grandfather had been following the books' instructions, trying to teach his grandson to feel things. But mixed in were years of experience. The experience of how he shunned from even his own family because he values books more than them, and the first feeling he ever learned to feel: guilt.

Even after Grandpa Kudou had passed on, Jun still felt nothing. 'He only cared about me because a book told him how to love. How stupid.'

"Hello Jun!" Said a cheery voice.

"Oh, hello Retsu."

Retsu Taibun. This is the starting point.

"Still the sullen, cold boy I've always known."

Jun frowned. "Look." Jun held out a book. "This is a book. It tells one if they love another person. There are other books.... but those emotions are boring. If I want to learn an emotion, it had damn well better be a strong one."

Retsu couldn't read his face.... but she a subtle amount of enthusiasm. Something she had never felt coming from Jun.

"You see Retsu, my life is dull. Maybe if I can feel things, that'll change. But I want you to help me with this."

Retsu put her hand on the book. "Okay. I'll help."

Jun had never read the book. He read it together with Retsu.

"A fleeting feeling of bliss in your chest...."

"You can't stop looking at their lips...."

"Nervous on the inside, but cool on the outside..."

"Retsu...... I love you."

"...... Huh?"

Jun was shaking. "I think that the first emotion I felt.... was the bliss I felt reading with you. This was the first time I read a book. I was.... happy. I read my first book. And then I thought about how YOU were with me reading this book. Before that, I never realized how much I enjoyed seeing your lips move..... how much I wanted to keep a cool image in front of you.... I love you.... but I don't know how to express any of these emotions I feel."

Retsu blushed at first. But then.... "Jun. I'm willing to help you learn to feel.... if you give me a kiss."

"What will a kiss do?"

"It's..... an expression of love."

"Do you love me too?"

Retsu thought for a moment. "Yes, Jun, I do." They kissed (and they were only seven dammit!).

For the next year, through processes that are too long to explain, Retsu helped Jun understand emotion, and expression. Jun felt happy.... but he came to a shocking realization later on.

One day....

Jun and Retsu were walking in the park, holding hands. Jun breaks the ice.

"Retsu.... I can't....."

"What is it Jun?"

"It doesn't feel right."

"What do you mean?"

Jun's hand slipped out of hers. "I.... don't love you."

"What?"

"I just realized.... I feel the same way around you I feel around every girl I see."

"What! Jun what's wrong with you?"

"I read a book.... and it says that it's natural for a boy to feel that way around girls. It also says that true love feels different, like you want to be there for her for the rest of your life."

"What are you saying?"

"..... I can't possibly feel that way about every girl. I"m sorry, but.... I think we're only friends."

"......."

"I didn't know what emotion was, so I mistook one that every boy feels for love...."

"......"

"Retsu... I'm so- "

*_Crack*_

Jun felt his cheek stinging. Retsu's eyes filled with tears. "No Jun.... I'm sorry.... I feel so.... sorry.... for you...."

And with that, she ran off.

Back to the present....

"So that's why Nami-san. I was afraid that if you knew, you would think that I would do to you what I did to Retsu. You would hate me.... just because I might not really love you."

"Jun.... you don't really know, do you?"

Jun shook his head. "But it's true. I've never felt this way about anyone else. I might love you..... but I would hate for anyone to be disappointed and hurt again, so I didn't take any chances."

"Jun.... you fool...."

Nami pulled Jun into a hug.

"If you don't know what it is, then we'll find out together..... either way, you feel something toward me.... that alone, is enough reason for me to care..."

While they were embracing, a person in the crowd saw. She saw and squealed. Quietly.

"My dear Jun..... It's been so long."

This woman held a picture. It was of Jun... when he was 7 years old.

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Another long and complicated chapter! I hope you got all that, because I almost didn't! The Junami story is going along well (in my own opinion).

No spoilers for the next chapter! Except that it's a Majiru/Meru chapter.

You know, this is all happening in the "current" time-line in Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei. Once I'm done writing 100 or so chapters, and I'm done with this fic, I plan on writing two more fics. One focusing on the semi (if you've watched the last episode of Goku) mysterious past of Itoshiki Nozomu, and the second focusing on the future of the characters in the same time line as this fic. Each will be probably 50 chapters and 100 chapters respectively, but I could be wrong.

Congrats on new Zetsubou Authors here! Thank you for contributing to the small archive that is the Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei fanfiction archive!

_The Daily Suicide Theater_

Sigh. Today, I pondered my school life. What is it? I have no friends. I sit down with people at lunch, but they call me annoying. I'm so shy that I won't make any friends in classes or passing periods. My grades are terrible. I'm failing two classes. I've failed my parents. A nuisance to society like me.... excuse me, but do you know where I might be able to buy some rope.

Next day. You see a rope hanging from a tree. Shoes and a stool lay on the ground under a corpse hanging from the tree. As the sun sets, the people from his school feel no remorse. The only thing they could think of was how tragically beautiful my body looked against the setting sun... I am dead.

(FYI none of these problems I have really constitute death, it's just an end-of-chapter Theater, so relax paranoid people).


	10. Pervert

Hi. It sure has been a bit, hasn't it? This chapter was written over the course of a few days. I thank all of you who are reading this for your continued support!

At mid-point, Haga and I'll be reveal our top five favorite Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei Girls, and "The Five Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei Characters We'd most likely be friends with"! We'll also be telling you why.

Haga: Shuji's reasons are perverted.

Do I need to keep telling you to shut the Hell up? Shut the Hell up!

Haga: No!

Well, I'm getting slightly pissed off right now, so let's just get on with the next chapter!

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Chapter 10: You Pervert.

It had been about four days since the incident on the train. Meru was texting her own thoughts to herself (Yes, she does that in this fic).

_That idiot nearly got himself killed on the train. But what I'm really angry about...._

Flashback:

"Listen, height and bust are qualities that only perverts look for. In fact, some people prefer girls shorter with small breasts..... Uh, not that I'm thinking about that!"

_Pervert XP_

Flashback end.

_I've never been like that with anyone... It was a playful insult but.... it was still playful._

Meru paused before texting again.

_Putting aside the fact that I was actually playful with someone else... is he really a pervert? Should I have said that to him?_

Meru paused again.

_Wait, why should I care?_

Because he's the person who cares.

_Shut up you stupid author/narrator, quit butting in where you aren't wanted._

... Ouch...

_.... Well, if he really was a pervert, then there's no problem with calling him a pervert, right?_

That's called being, "Brutally Honest".

_Didn't I tell you to shut the hell up? Shut the hell up!_

And she steals my lines!

_Well, I won't regret it if he really was a pervert....._

Meru suddenly got a brilliant idea!

_Let's see if he really is a pervert..._

Later that day....

Majiruwas fidgeting outside the door to the Otonashi home. "It was very sudden.... calling me out to her home. I've never been to her house before."

Majiru rang the doorbell. No answer. He rang it again. No answer. He didn't want to go through the whole process of ringing the doorbell so many times that he gets pissed off to the point of yelling, just when somebody finally opens the door, so he decided to go into the house without an answer.

"Hello? Is anybody home?" He began to walk down a small hallway. "Helloooo?"

He opened a door to his right.

"Whoa… It's…"

Majiru picked up a small figurine.

"It's an official _Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei _Kaere/Kaede figurine!"

If it wasn't obvious already, the skirt was blown up.

"I didn't know Meru was into collectable figurines…."

He completely ignored the skirt.

Meru, who is in an undisclosed location, was looking at a monitor. _If he's looking at Kaere's skirt, he's doing a good job of doing it…_

Meru upped the ante.

In the next room Majiru checked….

"Whoa! It's…."

Majiru walked over to a bed.

"A _Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei _full body Abiru Kobushi pillow!"

The Abiru Kobushi on the pillow was in a bikini.

"So Meru is into collector goods…. Cool…"

Majiru is into collector goods. However, he only watches a few anime. But that doesn't mean that he isn't obsessed about them to otaku level. His favorite anime right now is _Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei_.

"Huh… Why is it on this bed? A good like this should be shelved or hung up."

Though otaku usually do that with figurines, that's not what the pillow is for. Majiru is familiar with Akihabara and all the otaku culture there, but he is unaware of the **secondary reasons** extremely hardcore otaku buy things revolved around anime.

1.) To play with the figurines.

2.) To shelve them and stare in awe at their awesomeness.

3.) Look up the anime girls' skirts.

4.) In case of perverted otaku and full body pillows, put them together and….. I don't wanna say.

Majiru put the pillow back and walked out of the room.

Meru upped the ante again. She was beginning to get annoyed.

In the next room, it was labeled, "Meru's room".

'Should I really be snooping in here? I mean, it is Meru's room…'

He decided to skip over to the next room.

"Huh? Isn't this…"

There was a life-size figure in the center of the room.

"The _Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei _Ai Kaga life-size 'Sumimasen' figure?"

If you couldn't tell, the figure was bowing.

"It's so realistic… and so is the way she bows, it looks like she's actually apologizing for something she didn't do!"

He walked out of the room.

_Why? If he were a pervert, he should have been looking at her backside as she bowed…_

Well, the perverseness in that one wasn't as obvious as the other two, you have to admit.

_You're still here? STFU already._

…. You're mean!

(After this, I left for about two hours to cry. Really.)

Majiru decided to go back to Meru's room.

'If there's anyplace that anybody will be in their own house, it's their own room, right? And besides…. I won't really be snooping if she's in there already, right?'

Majiru opened the door a crack…. And he could see a small head on a pillow on a bed.

'So she is in here!'

Majiru opened the door all the way and… he found that Meru was in her pajamas, sleeping in her bed.

'Um….' Majiru blushed. 'I don't think I'm supposed to be in here….' Majiru looked back at Meru.

'Nnggg…. She looks so cute when she's sleeping…'

He overlooked the fact that she's also in pajamas.

Majiru leaned over Meru. 'Up close, she looks cuter…. Wait, I need to distance myself!' Majiru backed away…. But then went back to his earlier position leaning over her.

'God…. I'm acting so….'

The longer he lingered there, the redder his face got from looking at her, and the more he thought that he should leave.

'I should leave. I should leave right now. If I don't, something bad will happen! If I don't, a misunderstanding will happen! It will! I must leave!'

But instead of backing away, he leaned in _closer_.

'I must leave!'

His body betrayed his thoughts as he leaned in almost as close as he could get.

'I **must **leave!!'

The moment was coming….

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Half-point!

Haga: Now, for the moment you've all been waiting for!

Both mine and Haga's favorite Zetsubou Girls, and Who we'd best be friends with!

Haga: You start off.

My favorite Zetsubou Girls.

5.) Mayo Mitama: I dunno. Her eyes, although evil, are very cute.

4.) Nami Hitou: Although normal, she sorta has that air of normality that also suggests innocence. Other than that, she's kinda cute.

3.) Chiri Kitsu: When she isn't completely enraged by imprecision, she looks pretty cute, arranging things and correcting others, and whatnot.

2.) Kafuka Fuura: Not quite Kafuka! Her cheery personality and upbeat spirit brings light into the despair of Nozomu's heart (although she may be completely evil).

1.) Komori Kiri! Her reclusive nature… that cute face… the way she hides behind her hair… so Kawaii~! Hey, don't make me out to be like Haga! She's very cute!

Who I'd best be friends with.

5.) Komori Kiri: We both tend to shy away from others.

4.) Harumi Fujiyoshi: We're both anime/manga freaks.

3.) Jun Kudou: I dunno. He doesn't mind befriending anybody, and I like to make friends. It all works out.

2.) Nozomu Itoshiki, Zetsubou-sensei: A shared view of Negativity (though mine isn't AS extreme).

1.) Ai Kaga! Above all else, we are both humble. Actually (and you won't believe this) people have told me that I say "sorry" too much!

Haga: Those are all lame reasons.

I'd like to see you do better!

Haga: Alright then…

My fav. Girls!

5.) Nami Hitou: She has normal body proportions, which is bigger than most people in the class.

4.) Komori Kiri: Underneath that blanket, she actually has pretty big boobs!

3.) Rin Itoshiki: She has a nice, ample butt.

2.) Kaere Kimura: Biggest boobs in class.

1.) Chie Arai: Biggest boobs in school.

Must you turn everything into a smut-fest, Haga?!

Haga: Hey, I'm honest. You should try it.

Those aren't the only qualities you should look for, you pervert!

Haga: Ditto.

Most likely Best friends!

5.) That truant kid…. Usui-kun was it? He looks at the girls lecherously.

4.) Aoyama: Deep on the inside, he knows he's a pervert.

3.) Kuniya Kino: He probably looks at Ai's butt when she bows.

2.) Mikoto Itoshiki: Because He probably touches the girl patients inappropriately.

1.) Nozomu Itoshiki: I wanna learn how to score like that Playboy.

Each of your reasons (except for what-his-name's) is completely stupid or off the mark!

Haga: Before this section gets too long, and before he snaps on me, let's get back to the story!

Hey!

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His cell phone suddenly got a text message.

'Huh? What was I doing?'

Majiru checked the text… it said:

_Zzzzzzz……_

'Huh? Is that sleeping? A series of Z's means that she's snoring right? So she's asleep? But it's impossible to text while you're asleep!'

Majiru took another look at her.

'But texting everything to everybody may have become an involuntary action, even as she sleeps!'

Then all of a sudden, an alarm went off. "Huh?"

Majiru walked away from Meru and toward the direction of the noise.

"Isn't this…."

He looked at the clock with a figure standing atop it.

"The _Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei _Chie-sensei swimsuit model alarm clock?"

I know it doesn't exist yet. (As a matter of fact, neither do the other pieces of merchandise… as far as I know).

Majiru pressed the left breast to stop the alarm.

_Aha!_ Is what Meru texted as soon as she jumped out of her bed, but took Majiru five seconds to receive.

Majiru turned around. "Meru? You were awake?"

_I knew it. You're a real pervert!_

"Wh-wha? No!"

Trust me. He only thought of the model as a part of the clock.

"I only thought of the model as a part of the clock!"

Hey, I already said that.

_Oh really?_

"Anime goods are just anime goods! Things to be collected, admired and nothing more!"

Um, a few people in the world would disagree.

_You need to be a pervert!_

"Huh? Why?"

_My words four days ago hold no meaning… if you aren't._

"Meru….."

_Or was I really just being playful? Playing around with some idiot for no more reason than…_

Meru fell to her knees, unable to face her own emotions.

…_than…_

A hand had been held out for her, waiting to pick her up.

"Lust. It's something that everyone feels at one point in time or another. It can be small…"

Majiru bent down and grabbed Meru's hand.

"Or it can be as large as that gang that tried to grope you. The smallest amount one can have…"

Majiru pulled her up.

"… is the admiration or women for their bodies, which is what you think I have."

He pulled her close.

"But believe me, an admiration of small breasts is nothing compared to the love that overshadows that lust."

Meru blushed.

Majiru flinched at the statement he just made. He searched his mind for an excuse…

"My love, for this world, and all who inherit it…"

Meru texted herself.

'_His love for the world? Is he sure he isn't covering anything up?'_

But Meru decided not to pry. He was a prepubescent boy who hardly knows what he's talking about when it comes to that, was her excuse.

_Hmph, well…_

Meru released herself from Majiru's arm.

_I at the very least don't consider you a pervert anymore…_

"Meru…."

_But each time you look, I'm charging you ten thousand yen._

Blood rushed out of Majiru's head.

"Um, Meru? Isn't that a bit much?"

_If you take into consideration that you like looking at them, It's perfectly reasonable._

"Meru…!"

And as the sun sat on this day, both smiled inwardly, for different reasons.

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I think I ended this chapter rather appropriately.

Haga: That ending sentence was lame.

Hey! I ended it like a poet!

Haga: I would have much rather have seen Majiru pressing his face into….

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! Author's Notes, or Main Story, It's still a T-rated fic! Mention of bosoms and butts are allowed, but not when they're mentioned as explicitly as you mention them!

Haga: You pervert. I was gonna say, "The Pillow", but your mind immediately went to the gutter, didn't it?

**It's in the gutter either way you idiot! And you were the one who made me think that!**

Haga: Who cares. You're the pervert not me.

I'm five seconds before completely losing it, so let's just say goodbye, okay!?

Haga: Fine with me.

Sayonara!

Haga: Suckers!

……….. Gr……


	11. Truth and DESPAIR

Hi. Haga here. I'll be taking over as author today.

Shuji: And I'll be taking his place in class for a day. I won't be the same Shuji. I'll be playing a part in the story, which means I won't be the same author you knew up to now. But I'll be back next time!

But for now, as the author for the day, I want to talk about something. Lemons. Are they good or bad? Well, in my opinion-

_-Content Censored for the Convenience of our younger readers-_

Wait a minute! What with the censor! My answer wasn't even inappropriate! But just because it includes lemons, it gets censored? The censors are evil!

Shuji: So True.

Ready Shuji? One, Two, Three…

Haga and Shuji: Zetsuboushitta! The sensitivity of censors to any miniscule thing that ultimately isn't un-show able has left us in despair!

Shuji: I would be able to make a more flexible fanfic if I didn't have to worry about what I was writing!

And I'd be able to do stuff to girls in this fanfic!

Shuji: You hide a perverted persona under those bored looking eyes of yours…

*Blades Clash*

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Chapter 11: Truth and Despair

Nozomu was depressed. Well, he was depressed before, but now he's **really depressed**. It's like he said earlier on, some things are better left unknown. But when Kafuka comes to mind, there are too many unknowns. It makes one overly curious and ask questions. The answer was not meant to be heard. But Zetsubou-sensei heard it.

He decided just to forget. Pretend he didn't hear anything. Go on with things as they normally did. As he walked into the classroom, he glanced around. He saw Meru. She looked happier, but she was trying to hide it. He saw Jun Kudou. He was sitting next to Nami this morning. I wonder why. He saw… Kafuka Fuura. Of course, that's what everyone else says…. No! Forget the truth! Stop it!

Chie-sensei walked into the classroom. "Students, I'm pretty sure you all are wondering where your classmate Haga is…"

Kaere: "No!"

Abiru: "Not really."

Ai: "I don't! Sumimasen!"

Meru: _That Pervert? Hell no._

Aoyama and Kino: "Yes! Where is he?"

"Settle down. Haga is interning at a company of some sort. It's only for a day, so he'll be okay. Thanks to the Student/intern transfer program."

The blood drained from everybody's head. 'WAIT. You mean the person taking his place is an intern!?'

Kafuka perked up. "Yay! A bright new face to add to our Myspace and Facebook!"

Maria perked up too. "Maria likes interns! Interns die almost as more than in my country! But more and more people become intern a lot! They all brave!"

Yes, they are brave. Over 1,000 deadbeat unpaid interns die every day. Over 1,000 regular unpaid interns die every week. But still, more and more people become interns. How brave indeed.

"I'd like to introduce everyone to…" a boy walked into the room. "… Shuji Nonohana."

The boy was sixteen years old. He looked tired, as he always does. He had messy, short black hair, and a small smile on his face. He had the air of naiveté surrounding him. And it was true. He was simple, and it didn't take much for him to trust anyone.

"You're over explaining things, you pervert…."

Don't call me a- well anyway, this was their transfer intern.

"Shuji Nonohana is an alias I use for work. You may call me Himegami Moteru."

Chie walked over to Nozomu. "Um, Itoshiki-Sensei, there is something you should know about that boy…"

Himegami took a seat next to Kaere, and extended his hand. "Hello! I'm Himegami, nice to meet-"

"Don't touch me creep."

Chie-sensei said, "He has an inferiority complex."

"Huh?"

A shout of "I'll make up for it in death!" was heard, and a snag came shortly afterward. Apparently, Himegami was trying to hang himself.

The entire class thought 'Another pessimist!'

"No." Zetsubou-sensei swiftly answered the class' obvious thought. "A person with an inferiority complex kills himself more single-mindedly than a pessimist. They can be as optimistic as they like. They even support others above themselves. And they enjoy doing so. But…"

Himegami was pulled down by Kuniya Kino.

"Let go! I'm a worthless human that shouldn't live! Everything is my fault!"

"They have a tendency to put themselves down to the point where they think that they're completely worthless, and are the cause of everyone's problems."

Kuniya Kino yelled at Himegami, "Stop saying you're worthless! You broke my room's window playing baseball about a year ago! I told you the cost was only 50,000 but…"

"_I worked five full-time jobs for a year to get enough money!"_

"Not only did you work more than you needed to, but you gave me 5,000,000 yen!"

Zetsubou-sensei clarified. "They also tend to overcompensate for the shortcomings that they think they have."

Harumi answered, "Yeah. I've heard of Himegami before. He's really good with track and field. He's one of the top five young distance runners in the country." (Not really).

"Really?" *Sweats*.

"Yes, and his coach told him to run six miles every day. But, he instead ran all the time every day and only went home to do homework, eat, and sleep."

"What happened afterward?"

"The coach realized that he would push himself to the absolute limit, and admired that about him, but realized that it would be bad for Himegami's health if he kept up this extreme lifestyle. In short, he was dropped from the team. But the coach still calls him up for a race every now and then. They're like friends now."

*Sweat*. "Well, aside from the fact that he overcompensates, or maybe because of it, he seems pretty likable. See? Kino helped him because he worked so hard for a stranger."

Himegami shouted in protest, "No! Nobody should like me! I'm the worst person ever!"

Nozomu laughed. "Oh please. You're nowhere near as bad as… Egotists!"

"E-egotists, Sensei?"

"Yes! In complete contrast to loathing themselves and liking everyone else, they only think of themselves! Any and all the time, they are their own most important person! Their twisted minds bend the truth and twist it until they are the hero! In their own little minds! But in reality, the loud Egotists are loathed. The quiet ones are though of as weird! But all in all, they don't care for people at all!"

Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash!

"Zetsuboushitta! People who are too full of themselves to even realize they are full of themselves have left me in Despair!"

After school let out….

A troubled Chiri-chan stood near the gate trying to sort something out in her mind. Or rather, out loud.

"Why am I feeling like this? Being properly inserted into his family register is still extremely important, but… that feels completely secondary to this other feeling I have about him. What is it?"

"Love."

"Huh?"

Chiri turned around. It was Himegami.

"What do you mean 'love', Himegami-kun?"

"For one, love is the cornerstone of life. You get flustered and confused. You often don't even know it yourself."

"True, but you have no way of telling if it's love or not…"

"Your face is beet red."

Chiri checked her mirror. She was as red as a tomato!

"S-so! What does that prove?"

"I'm told you are always methodical and precise. Proper in every way."

"Y-yes!"

"Have you ever even stuttered like you are now?"

"Gasp!" 'He's right!'

"And acting like this in front of the school gates… that isn't very proper, now is it?"

"I-I could have a cold!"

"Well then, the proper thing to do would be to go home and take medicine. Instead, you're hanging around the school."

"Yes… that does make sense…" Chiri didn't want to admit it, but she had been out done.

"Tell me, Chiri-chan, who is it that you're thinking about so much?"

Chiri told him about Sensei, and their ordeals.

"So, you know what this feeling is?"

"No…" Chiri was starting to get nervous.

"Your feelings before?"

"I wanted to be properly inserted into his family register."

"But now another feeling makes being 'proper' feel secondary?"

"Yes…" Chiri's palms were sweating.

"Look deep into your heart. Tell me the first thing that comes to mind when I mention your sensei."

"….. nervous."

"Nervous, eh? Tell me, if I were your Sensei, subtract all improper points, and tell me what the first thing is that you'd tell me."

"……I…."

"Yes, you?" Himegami egged her on.

"I….. l…. llll…… l…."

"Lllll? You?"

"I…. l-lo…. Lo…."

"Almost there…."

Chiri couldn't hold it in anymore.

"I….. Love you! Sensei!" She ran up to Himegami and kissed him on the lips!

"Mmmph! Shciri-shcan! (Chiri-chan!)"

Chiri immediately took twelve steps back. "Oh! I'm so sorry, how improper of me! I thought you were Sensei!"

"Um…. That's alright…. At least you were honest… now try doing that to the real Sensei."

"…. I couldn't."

"Well, I understand why. Now, do you understand?"

"….. Yes…. When it comes to Sensei…."

"I believe my work here is done." Himegami walked away.

"When it comes to Sensei…. Priority one is love… priority two is precision!"

Still obsessed with precision. Meanwhile, behind a tree somewhere…

"I though for sure she liked me…. Sigh…" Himegami was still pondering what might have been.

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Haga: Now that we're at midway, I'd like to ask you something.

Shuji: Yes?

Haga: Doesn't your character sorta seem like Ai Kaga?

Shuji: No! By apologizing, yes, but She feels guilty for everything, even things that don't have to do with her (death of her mailman, GLOBAL WARMING, The world's rising suicide rate, etc.) as well as what she actually is involved with. My character feels guilty for existing, and feels he is a nuisance in every way.

Haga: Ai is guilty for living.

Shuji:….. I want to draw a distinct difference between "Guilt Complex" and "Inferiority Complex"! She always feels things are her fault, but I feel Inferior in all **General areas! **As in I don't think I'm good enough to make the Track and Field team! I don't think I'm good enough to finish high school! I'm not good enough to watch Suzuka! And it's only 26 episodes long!

Haga: Well, Ai isn't particularly troubled by feelings of Inferiority, but feelings of Guilt. Both similar, but also different.

Shuji: My character also overcompensates.

Haga: Actually, Ai tends to do that when nobody's looking.

Shuji:…….. I'm sorry my character doesn't have a completely original Personality Disorder.

Haga: By the way, Shuji's alter ego "Himegami's" name comes from the Japanese word for "Inferiority complex", Higami.

Shuji: I added the "me" to "Higami" to make "Himegami". Himegami is the name of a character in Hayate the Combat Butler.

Haga: The last name "Moteru" came from "Moteru" (pronounced like the same word for Motel), the Japanese word meaning, "To Be Well Liked". The Himegami character is very well liked in the story…

Shuji: But because of his Inferiority Complex, he himself doesn't know. By the way, I'm not like my alter ego Himegami. I only suffer from a combination of SIC (Slight Inferiority Complex) and Slight Pessimism. Neither one is dominant, both are equal.

(The Japanese Info was looked up online, so I don't know how reliable it is).

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There was another person with a lot on his mind. Nozomu Itoshiki. The truth. Why did it torment him? He now figured there was no point in trying to forget. He couldn't. Trust me, he tried. No dice.

'I….. wish I didn't have to learn the truth…. But once you know, you can't un-know.'

Flashback.

Nami whispered into her Sensei's ear.

"Now, I'm probably going to regret telling you, but It's better than you figuring out when it's too late."

Nozomu thought, 'What does she mean?' But he continued to listen solemnly.

"Kafuka is split between two people."

Okay, now this is where Nozomu grew confused.

"Not like Kaere- both personalities are always active all the time."

'Well, isn't that just one personality then?'

"Two contrasting personalities; She is extremely positive, only sees the good in things. But at the same time, she is **Evil**."

'She's **Positively Evil**?'

"Since birth, all of the people she ever loved have had misfortune befall them, and in the worst case scenario, they disappeared, never heard from again."

'Um…. WHAT?'

"Of course, the good part of Kafuka knows about this and doesn't want any part of it. But the evil part is stronger at times. People she loves…. Are also people she hates. It's still unclear which feeling is stronger."

'This is starting to sound scary….'

"In fact, she was very close to Kenta-kun and Maki-chan in elementary school. They… both were found in a furnace three years later."

'A FURNACE?!'

"At this point in time, I'm almost glad I was the only one she called 'Normal'."

Nozomu wanted to run. He didn't want to hear any more. But the mention of "Before it's too late" compelled him to stay.

"She told you about her father and mother, right? About how they each tried to commit suicide. I don't know the details, but she admitted to being the cause. The demon possession incident wasn't her fault though. That one was just coincidence. Later, her parents were successful in dying…"

'The more I hear, The more I want to run….'

"Oh, you must have heard of that terrorist group, Negati-B, right?"

'Those guys…'

"After bumping into a high school student with glasses one day, she met with Negati-B."

'Oh yeah…. Wait, that was her?!'

"She never saw the glasses man again, but she maintained a working connection with Negati-B. She grew very close to them, but just two (Regular) years ago…."

Nami held up a newspaper with the Headline: Terrorist group commits suicide! Anonymous Girl only Survivor.

Blue lines representing blood loss ran down Nozomu's head.

"These incidents used to happen all the time. But it was only recently that she stopped. Since then, although she seemed happy all the time, she made life just a bit harder and weirder for some people."

Nozomu remembers everything that happened with Kafuka.

"It's a dark secret that had only been confided in with Harumi, Abiru, and Me."

'I suppose it's not a secret you can tell everybody.'

"She was so upset about it, that she cut herself once."

'Now that you mention it… just once….'

"As I said, recently, the people around her have stopped disappearing."

'Recently….'

"The year that she stopped…. Was the year she joined class 2-He, your class, Sensei."

Nozomu understood.

"She's been getting close to you sensei…"

He didn't need to hear anymore.

"The next person to disappear…. Might be you, Sensei."

Sensei lost it at that moment.

"ZETSUBOUSHITTA!"

End Flashback.

Nozomu kept thinking back.

'Pulling down on me while I'm hanging, that incident with the train, it's only luck that I haven't died yet…'

But still, Nozomu couldn't be sure if this was the truth!

"I should just talk to her. I can find out more if I just talk to her. Until then, I can't be sure if what I heard was the truth or not!"

Nozomu set out to find Kafuka!…..

After about three hours of searching, he was about ready to give up. But as he was walking….

"Oh, it's starting to rain… wait a minute."

Nozomu ran. As he ran, the rain grew heavier. Soon, he arrived at the same park he always went to. As expected, he saw Kafuka under Pink Gabriel.

"Kafuka."

Kafuka looked up. "Zetsubou-sensei…."

Underneath the protection of the tree, the two remained silent. Of course, with the rain pouring down as hard as it was, It didn't matter. Neither had to say anything. Nozomu sat down next to Kafuka. Waiting for the rain to subside….

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Haga: Wow… that ending seems….. Wow…

Shuji: Although I had planned out what the truth was, I had to make several changes.

Haga: Shuji, I must say, I am impressed.

Shuji: Well, from now on, all the stories are going to be told in one chapter at a time. The Nozomu, Jun, and Majiru stories will all be together from now on. I know it may be confusing, but I'll try my best to make it work.

Haga: Nami was… unusually well informed.

Shuji: Well, she had known Kafuka for a long time, and although she was a "Normal" friend, she was still a "Childhood" friend. It'd only be natural that she'd be a confidant.

Haga: But still… she told Nozomu without any price, with no understanding of what the consequences are.

Shuji: Not to mention it sounds like something you'd hear from a Sunday crime drama.

Haga: Well, that's completely Normal- augh!

Nami: NORMAL?

Haga: No Nami! I didn't mean-

Nami: SAY BYE-BYE TO YOUR ****…..

Haga: N-noooooooo!

Shuji: For reasons I cannot describe, we're ending here.

(FYI, look at the intro episode/chapter for Meru Otanashi. There is a bandage on Kafuka's arm. That's where I thought she cut herself.)

_Life of Despair: Suicide Theater_

I've failed. Last chapter, I didn't put in the Suicide Theater. I'm so worthless…. I shouldn't have forgotten… I'm so sorry….

In the bathtub. The water is red. My arm is in the tub. There's blood splattered everywhere. And there is a razor blade on the floor…. I couldn't take it anymore.


	12. IT'S YOUR LIFE

Here's another chapter filled with utter despair.

Haga: The author is depressed because school started…

No. I'm depressed because of the controversy summer brings in comparison to school!

You start out thinking that summer is going to a blast. And it usually is! But that's only when you're DOING SOMETHING. At any of the times you aren't doing something exciting, like going to amusement parks, or going camping, you're bored!

Already, you've played so many video games that you've gotten bored. The worse thing is, most of the new, good games come out during the school year!

Watching TV all the time seems like a solution, until you watch so many re-runs that you're too bored to watch new episodes!

Reading means learning something new, whether it be morals or fractions. We have summer to take a break from that! Not to mention too much reading will leave you locked in your room, not wanting to be torn a way from a particularly good book.

Yes, all excitement must be metered out by the boredom of school, schoolwork, or a boring dead-end job, or else exciting activities will get old, and boring! But even then, people always complain that school is boring, or that their jobs are boring, or that homework cuts off, "Me time"!

Zetsuboushitta! The endless cycle of psychological boredom has left me in despair! No matter what, every day is filled with boredom at some point!

Haga: But that doesn't count for anything involving women.

Ah, yes. I've noticed that people who have been married for twenty odd years have only a 20% chance of getting over each other.

Haga: Plus, groping Kaere never gets old…

Haga!

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Chapter 12: Run Away… Who Cares? That's all you can do.

The rain ended. Kafuka took Nozomu to her house.

Kafuka sat Nozomu down at her living room.

"Would you like some tea, Sensei?"

"No thank you."

They sat there for a long time, not saying anything once. This is where Nozomu made his first mistake.

"So, when are your parents coming home?"

Kafuka, still smiling, looked down.

'Crap, now I remember…' Thought Nozomu.

"Actually Sensei… my parents died."

"Oh. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

"No, it isn't your fault. You didn't know."

"Yeah, but…"

The situation was awkward. Neither said anything more after that for quite a bit.

"Sensei…." Kafuka finally spoke. "What is it that you wanted to see me for? You came to hand out the newsletter, right? That's so nice!"

"No, that isn't it."

Kafuka sat there, with her finger at her chin.

"Well, today is the day our report cards come out. Did you come to give me my _Non_-report card?"

"That isn't it either."

They just sat there. Nozomu's mind was going in twenty directions at once, trying to find out what to do or say.

'I can't really ask her… I fear she may kill me here and now… but chances are she's going to anyway…'

"Fuura-san…. I have something to ask you…"

Kafuka looked up. Her smile started to fade a bit. It was still there, just… very subtle.

"Fuura-san…. It… I want to know…" This was it. Do or die. He needed to know the truth. He already knew more than he wanted to. He had nothing to lose by this.

"It's already known that I'm in more danger with a couple of my students than I am trying to commit suicide alone…"

"Sensei…"

"Chiri tries to kill me, Mitama tries to kill me, Kaere sues for more money than I have which might take away my food money which will starve me to death…"

Kafuka nodded, telling him she got the point.

"Well anyway…. They always keep me alive. I'm still alive now. I don't want to be, but I am. I asked around a bit… and…."

Kafuka bit her lip.

"Fuura-san…. Are you… a murderer?"

Although it was probably the best question he could ask, asking a question at all was his next mistake.

"Sensei… I…" Kafuka stopped. She stood up, walked over to the door, and opened it. After putting on her shoes, she ran away.

"Fuura-san! Wait!"

Kafuka was running in the rain. 'I'm too late. I couldn't tell him…. He found out on his own.' Kafuka felt an overwhelming feeling of regret in her heart. 'I should have told him… If I had, he could have run from me….' Kafuka stopped. 'He'll never like me. I'm positive.' She reached into her sleeve… and pulled out a knife. 'If he doesn't like me…'

Meanwhile, Nozomu was running in the rain, looking for Kafuka.

"Fuura-san! Fuura-san, where are you?"

Kafuka hid behind a tree. She held the knife in her hand. 'Sensei…'

"I needed to tell you…"

'Do you hate me? Think I'm insane?'

"Quit doing this to yourself!"

'!'

"You aren't doing anything to help! You're just like one of those people who thinks that people will understand immediately, and if they don't, you do something drastic!"

'Sensei…'

"I don't know whether or not to believe you killed. Hell, I'm not exactly sure what your problem is anyways! But still…"

'Don't…'

"You aren't helping by running away from your problem. Sure, there are many things better left unknown, and tons of problems that can be avoided by running…"

Nozomu slammed his hand onto a tree. "But seriously! If running away never worked before, what makes you think it would now!?"

'I…..'

"Well, whatever. If that's all you can do, run away, If you think that's 'All you can do'."

Nozomu walked away. "This whole experience just proves that I would have just lived better off if I didn't know."

Kafuka dropped her knife. "This is good, right? He doesn't despise me… I think… I knew things would work out in the end…."

Still smiling, as always. But….

'If that's how it is, why…' Tears started to run down from her eyes. '… do I still….' Her smile disappeared. '… Feel like I want to…. To…' Her eyes turned to her knife….

For the first time, Kafuka cried. Her sobs were stifled due to the rain…

Life is never easy. The hardest part, even more than deciphering others… is deciphering yourself.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In the loud hallways after school, there stood one solitary student, just reading. Jun Kudou. He had been reading _Metamorphosis_ by Franz Kafka.

"Nami-chan understands… But what she doesn't realize is that I'm not even sure of what I'm feeling. She said she'd help me with that but… the problem is, the past always comes back to bite me. Regret might take over and things between us might end sooner than I thought…."

Jun shook his head. "I gotta stop thinking like that, or else I'll turn into Aoyama. Every part of this isn't a bad thing." Jun thought. "Nami understands, we're together more often, and best of all…" He looked at his book. "….. I forget what's best of all." He forgot because of his book. Yes, books have a tendency to draw your mind away from things, if it's a good book.

Although, one thing did tear him away from his book. He passed by a girl… and immediately after, his eyes widened, and he dropped his book.

Later, outside…

Nami was waiting patiently at the school gates.

"Well, it's only two minutes to five. Then Jun-kun and I will be on our way to help prepare for the carnival that's coming to town tomorrow! I can't wait!"

If the reader is unaware, I like using festive situations for drama.

"Hmm…. But when meeting with a girl, guys usually use at least a 10-minute filter. Where is he?"

Back at the hallway situation…

Everyone had left. Jun had been left standing there. A girl stood directly behind him. She had long black hair that went down to her knees. It was wild, and went every which way. Nobody noticed because, well….

Jun just stood. "Excuse me…. Do I know you?"

The girl turned around and giggled. Her hair obscured her face. "Of course you do, silly!" Her voice was quite high, but she spoke softly.

"… How do I know you?"

"If you have to ask…. You already know…" She held something up. A single photo… of Jun Kudou, age seven.

Jun's Eyes widened. He picked up his book and ran. He ran outside.

As he ran past the gates, he passed by the object of his affections.

"Huh?"

Jun grabbed on to Nami's hand, and ran with her. "What? Where are we going?"

"No explaining now, just run!"

So they did. They ran, and ran, all the way to Okinawa.

This was a very clever plan. Jun Kudou was well known for looking hot in a swimsuit, but not for actually going to the beach.

"Okay, this should be a good place to hide…"

"Jun-kun, what's going on?"

Jun looked at her in despair. "My past just came back to bite me in the butt."

"Your past? Don't tell me your grandpa's ghost inhabits the books that you-"

"No! It's a lot more serious than that! It's…. look. Retsu Taibun is back."

"Oh really? Why are we running from her?" Nami had yet to grasp the danger they were in.

"I forgot to tell you, but… after I broke up with her, she sorta… became a Yandere."

"Y-yandere?"

"Her policy became, 'If I can't have him, nobody can'. She seriously despises any girl who even bothers to talk to me."

"She can't be that bad, Jun-kun…"

"Two girls who just met me the day after I broke up with Retsu were found dead in a broom closet, tangled in string. She had erased all the evidence and people involved with the victims."

Nami's face went white as the blood drained from her head.

"I thought I had her running in circles in Osaka for a while, but it looks like she tracked me back here…"

"Had her running?"

"I had set up a scavenger hunt game that should have kept her busy for a couple of years at least… and before she was chasing me all over the country…"

"Oh."

"The only reason I'm still alive is because she wants to eliminate her competition rather than take away the object of completion itself."

"……. Eh?"

"I meant she wants to kill the other girls rather than kill me."

"Oh."

Jun knew how much danger he was in…. It was only the next day after being dumped that Retsu Taibun went DILLUSIONAL and COMPLETELY INSANE. Jun's been on the run for ten years.

But he knew that Nami was in an insane amount more danger than he was. He had to keep her hidden, or Retsu would kill her!

"Damn…"

In a situation like this, running is the only thing he can think to do.

But in the first place, any normal person would think….

"Jun-kun, why don't you just call the police?"

"Eh?"

Yeah, that. Hey, technically, I didn't call her normal. She just finished my sentence.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The Midpoint.

Well, it's midpoint, and I'm still in despair.

Haga: School has been tough.

Not that! The solitary fact remains that absolutely nobody will like me.

Haga: You've got to give that time…

No, I just know it! You know how egotists think that the universe revolves around them? I'm the exact opposite. I think the universe is repelled by me!

Haga: You're taking things too far…

I'm sure of it! Leaves fall on other people, but not me. My dogs hardly pay any attention to me, they pay attention to my siblings! Same with my cats! And wherever I sit, nobody sits there! Even though the table is long! I'm constantly told that my apologies annoy people because I make too many of them! Even when I'm apologizing, I cause trouble!

Haga: You just have an inferiority complex!

No!

Haga: Your best friend here thinks it's her fault that you feel bad.

Ai: Sumimasen! The cookies I made you earlier…they must have been terrible!

Sumimasen! Complaining about how I annoy others made you think you did something wrong!

Ai: No! I'm sure that it was my cookies that did this!

I'm such a burden I make people feel sorry for me anyways! It's my fault!

Ai: I'm sorry I'm trying to argue with you!

No, I'm sorry for dragging the argument on!

Haga:…. Well, while the lovebirds try to sort things out, try to figure out the dilemma with Majiru, and decipher the meaning of this chapter!

Both: I'm sorry we look like a couple!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Majiru was baffled. He just needed to know….

"I really need to know…." He held up a picture book. "WHERE THE HELL IS WALDO?!"

You remember that book from a couple of chapters ago? It's back.

"He could be anywhere! He's taunting me by being extremely difficult to find! I hope he's found off a cliff, dead!" Or better yet, he could fall off a cliff and still not be found. That guy is harder to find than Carmen Sandiego.

"But putting this aside…." Yes, putting this aside…

"I've been putting something else aside for too long…" A bit too long perhaps.

'I think I still have feelings for Komori-neechan!' And he comes out with it.

"Why? Why has it come to this?" Hmm…. Maybe because you never really resolved anything?

'In any case…. I was only distracting myself… I mean, I have fallen in love with Meru, I'll admit that. But, I still have feelings for Komori-neechan… so…'

He couldn't figure out what to do. He had been distracting himself with _Where's Waldo _for a while.

"I'll have to go back to that school… see Komori-neechan, and settle my feelings towards her." That's the brightest plan you've come up with so far.

The next day at school….

'Okay, I know that Komori-neechan never goes to class. So I'll have a 100% chance of finding her in her room. No surprises there.'

He snuck past the classrooms and made it to Komori's room. When he opened the door…

"Good morning Majiru-kun." She was hanging from the ceiling!

"Auugh!" 'What a surprise!'

But then Majiru realized that Komori's hair was still covering her eyes.

'Huh? How can that be when she's on the ceiling?'

Well actually, from everyone else's perspective….

"Majiru-kun, why are you on the ceiling?"

Majiru looked up. "The floor?!" Majiru fell. I'll leave it to your imagination how he got up there.

_Is he Spiderman?_

_No, he's a vampire!_

Well actually, he was so hungover that he couldn't tell where he was going….. Yes, he drinks. Blame Nozomu for hiding his happy drinks behind a label that says, "Apple Cider".

"Well anyways, I need your help!"

Majiru was confused. "With what?"

"I need you to take these binoculars and spy on Aoyama for me."

"What? Why?"

"Just do it."

So Majiru set off on his quest for Komori.

"Hmm…." said Majiru in a tree. "He's not doing much of anything besides crying."

Aoyama's side.

"Ugh… I failed Geometry this semester…" He's very depressed about it.

"I can't do anything…"

"Hey, what's up Aoyama-kun?"

"Kino…." It was Kuniya Kino. "I failed Geometry Kino…"

"C'mon, it can't be that bad…" reassured Kino.

"It is! What if I want to be a scientist or a detective? I won't be able to find the correct size or density of an object, and I won't be able to identify the dimensions of the wound on the victim's head, and that means we won't know what the murder weapon is!"

"Don't worry Aoyama… it isn't the end of the world…"

"It is for me!"

Aoyama dug his face into Kino's chest. "What do I do?!"

Majiru's side.

"Oh my God…. He's embracing with Kino-san! Does this mean that…. Aoyama-san and Kino-san… both…"

"Nope." Majiru turned around and found Harumi Fujiyoshi.

"Hey! Get off this branch! It's too thin! And what are you doing here?"

"I'm always looking for prime yaoi doujinshi material like this." She was scribbling down some notes. "But even now, I can tell there isn't really **any** relationship like that between them."

"Oh."

Majiru climbed down the branch. "So all I learned is that Aoyama is a crybaby…"

Aoyama's side.

"Okay, I'll try harder…."

"You do that. See you later Aoyama!" And Kino ran off.

Aoyama spoke to himself. "I've always been depressed. But it seems as though I've been even more depressed ever since I confessed…" He pulled out a picture…. Of Komori Kiri. "I just know she's watching me somehow! I know it! And she's seeing how miserable I am…. That just depresses me…"

Majiru's side.

"Well , all I learned is that Aoyama is quick to cry when he's depressed."

"Oh really…" was Komori's reply.

Majiru was still confused. "Why again did I just spy on Aoyama-san?"

"Well…" Komori blushed. "He actually confessed to me a couple of days ago."

"Eh?!"

"I was extremely surprised as well. At first he was really bold… I couldn't give him an answer."

"Why not?"

"Because he said he didn't need one. He wanted me to think about it."

"And so you want to spy on him?"

"To see him for who he is, without him knowing. So far, I see he is very expressive."

"And that is?"

"Good. I know he won't hide bad secrets from me. It just isn't in him."

Majiru was satisfied. He left.

'Well this is good. Aoyama likes Komori-neechan. I should be happy! Happy…'

Majiru stopped walking. 'But still… I feel…' He looked at his hand.

"I shouldn't see Meru anymore…" His mind was a flurry of emotions. He still had not settled anything.

_Mail, Mail._

_How are you doing, you fat sack of crap?_

It was Meru. She approached him.

"Eh? N-no! Stop!" Majiru ran. He ran away from the school, from Meru.

'I can't sort anything out! If I still do feel that way, I'll hurt Meru…'

_Majiru?_

He kept running.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Endpoint.

Search for groups under the keyword, Zetsubou. We really need more members for more activity…

Haga: It's kinda cheap that you're doing this right now.

I don't care! If people like this series as much as I do, they must want to talk about it too!

Haga: Oh well… they can talk about how cool I am then.

Um… you're actually still so small a character that you only get one sentence in all descriptions of you.

Haga:……. Zetsuboushitta.

Hey. I'm supposed to say that!

Haga: Because he stuffed all three stories in the same chapter, this chapter turned out really long.

I'm glad. I'm finally pulling my own weight as an author.

Haga: I betcha that won't last long.

I'll show you!

Zan: Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei is still relatively new, so I'm waiting for a couple of weeks after it ends to introduce Oora-chan, Maruuchi-chan and Nezu-chan.

Haga: And now for a final word from Ai Kaga!

Ai: I'm sorry I ever fell in love with you!……..

……… Eh?

_Life of Despair: Suicide Theater_

I can't find any reason to go on. I'm so stupid. I'm always criticized for being stupid… and I'm not the kind of person that is well liked. The universe doesn't revolve around me… it's repelled by me, shuns my existence, and tries to kill me!

An empty pill bottle is found as the only evidence, along with an empty cup implied to have been filled with water. The skin is pale and pupils dilated. The body is cold to the touch. I have died.

_Sleeping Pill Overdose._


	13. Hiding and Revelation

I wrote this chapter a month and a half ago, but that was before I had a laptop. My old computer was terrible, and often automatically shut down, resulting in the loss and tedious re-writing of this chapter.

Haga: Getting a laptop was like a message from God for this guy. Not only does it never auto-shut down, he no longer has to visit his friends or go to internet cafés to see Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei episodes.

In the end though, my old computer died. I still had a ton of data on that computer for other fanfics in progress! Plus a ton of my pictures were lost, online manga, anime episodes, MMORPG data…

Haga: The more I hear this, the more you sound like an otaku….

Hey, I only play MMORPGs on the side. Other than that, you could call me an otaku. I could be friends with Harumi. I hardly ever leave my room other than to eat, so you could also call me a hikikomori… but not to the extent of Komori. But for a person who enjoys being alone, I act extremely humble towards others…. Like Ai.

Ai: Yes?

No, I wasn't calling you Ai.

Ai: Sumimasen! I should've been listening!

Don't blame yourself! It was my fault for using you as a noun in a sentence when you were right there!

Haga: Not this again… they both seem to be ignoring the fact that Ai confessed to him last chapter… well, whatever helps them get along…

* * *

Chapter 13: Hiding the problem is more effective than Hiding From the problem.

Nozomu walked into his classroom. He looked around at all the semi-happy faces in class. Among them, he could not find the sunshiny smile he always found in his class. Kafuka Fuura. '… Oh well. I figured she wouldn't be here today.' He hadn't any doubt she was avoiding him.

"Good morning class… wait a minute, why is it good again? THERE IS NO GOOD MORNING!" Confounded by his own words, he quickly tried to come up with an ending to this meaningless banter. "Bland and Uninteresting Morning class."

'What the hell is he talking about?' Thought numerous members of the class.

Harumi looked around. Kafuka was nowhere to be found. Harumi pointed her fingers up and made ears with them to signal Abiru. Abiru caught the signal, and nodded. "Fujiyoshi-san, what are you doing?" Asked Nozomu.

"N-nothing, sensei." answered Harumi, wondering who it was that stupid signal was supposed to fool.

"You see class," said Nozomu continuing with his rant, "I'm revisiting the topic of, 'Misleading titles'. A 'Good Morning' for one, could be a 'Grumpy' or 'Unhappy' morning for another. Same goes for afternoons and evenings."

The class expected more. They waited.

"….. What? You were expecting me to go on? That's it."

Abiru raised her hand. "You aren't in despair about anything, are you?"

Nozomu looked down. "I am indeed. But I fear my reason for despair may endanger you all." Abiru and Harumi looked at each other. Then, they looked at Nami.

"What?"

Nozomu proclaimed that he hadn't any more to teach them for that day. He promptly left the class. After school let out, Abiru and Harumi took Nami and followed their sensei.

"Nami!" said Harumi, furiously. "Why did you tell him?"

"You mean Kafuka-chan's secret? I figured since he endorses non-reporting, he wouldn't ask Kafuka about it. Plus, he had to find out anyways."

"You were wrong! Apparently, he asked her about it, and now she won't even show up to class!" said Abiru.

"Sensei's life is in danger!" added Harumi.

"Oh no!"

The three followed Nozomu to his home. Nozomu opened up the closet, and in it, he found Komori. "I'm sorry. I'll just find another closet."

"Sens-" Nozomu closed the door before she could finish.

Before opening up his other closet, he suddenly thought, 'Won't she be expecting me to hide in my own house?' Nozomu fled his own house, and went to his parents' house.

In his search for the perfect closet for hiding, he stumbled across the largest closet in the world. It looked just like five living rooms in one, with three TV's, five of every existing game console, and a year's supply of food that would last him through the year.

"This is too perfect! She's bound to look in a closet built to hide a person!" So Nozomu deviates from the perfect hiding spot, and continues his search.

He then stumbles across a small closet. You could hardly call it a closet. It's door started at the floor, and slid up instead of down. There was only a floor area about two and a half feet high, four and a half feet wide, and 180 centimeters going inward. There were measurements on the side of the wall to confirm this.

"Ignoring the fact that the first two measurements don't follow the metric system, this is a near perfect hiding spot for me!" Nozomu Itoshiki: 177 centimeters tall. Nozomu put his feet in first and lay down on his stomach. Once he was secure, he shut the small door. "This impossibly small closet hasn't seen much use, seeing as how this is my first time seeing it." Said Nozomu.

"The floor that separates us makes it difficult for me to stare at you." Said Matoi from the equally sized closet space above him.

"You were there?!"

"Yes. Always…. You seem more shocked by that than you have in recent time…"

"Well, I was sorta used to it. You seemed to disappear for a while. I don't recall seeing you recently."

"Given the circumstances, I had to hide extra well." said Matoi.

"What circumstances?"

"I know everything."

"Ah." Seeing as how she is his stalker, it's not that surprising that she knows what's going on. If it is surprising, that's only because she really hasn't shown up in recent chapters…

Nozomu realized the error in her ways. "Tsunetsuki-san, you're in danger! I'm in here because I'm in hiding, but there's no reason for you to get involved!"

"I have actually been keeping my distance since after the school festival! Besides that, you have forgotten, haven't you?"

Nozomu was puzzled. "Forgotten what?"

Matoi sighed deeply. "My precious Zetsubou-sensei, I would die for you."

Nozomu pondered on that. 'I know her. She means it. But this is too much for a young woman…'

"Tsunetsuki-san, you don't realize that with that statement, you have worsened my guilt." Nozomu told her. "You do not realize that the term stems from the concept of _Double Suicide_. If anyone were to actually die protecting me, I'd feel despair worse than I had ever felt before." The tone of his voice was deepening. "My purpose in death is to leave everyone behind with as little trouble as possible. If you were to die, I wouldn't be able to kill myself! I'd just be leaving behind a problem in my death if someone else were to die protecting me!"

"It'd be a problem if you died, sensei." Said Abiru from outside the closet.

"Kobushi-san? What are you doing here?"

"I'm here too." said Harumi.

"So am I." said Nami.

"Why are you all here?" Asked a very confused Nozomu.

"You asked Kafuka about her past, didn't you?" Asked back a very annoyed Harumi.

"You shouldn't have done that." Said Abiru.

"You know the situation you're in, don't you?" Chimed in Nami.

"Yes, I know! I asked her about something I shouldn't know about, and now she's going to kill me!" It was at this moment that Nozomu had a revelation. "Wait a minute… this is all your fault!"

"Our fault?!"

"If you hadn't led me on about Kafuka-san, I wouldn't have asked her!"

"If you think back a few chapters, we just told you to ask someone looser. You assumed it was Nami, and you were right."

"Then it's Hitou-san's fault for telling me!"

"Eh?! No it's not!" Cried Nami.

"Well actually, it's not so much her fault for telling, as it is your fault for asking in the first place." Said Abiru.

Nozomu had another revelation. "This is all my fault!"

"Well, duh it's your fault." Said Nami.

"But what you don't realize is that when our sensei is in trouble, we'll be there to help him." Said Abiru.

"No matter what you may think, we've enjoyed our time with you as our teacher, and we want to continue with that." Said Harumi.

"You… all…"

"And I'll always be by your side." Added Matoi.

Nozomu shifted slightly as he thought. 'Why? Why for a person as worthless as me? If they get in trouble, they do it for nothing.'

"Alright! You can help me." Said Nozomu. "But the best way to help me would be to hide in the three tiny closets above Tsunetsuki-san!"

Nami, Harumi, and Abiru did as they were told, and hid in the three tiny closets.

"This is too small to be a closet!" Complained Nami.

"Well, she'd never think to look in a space too small." Replied Abiru.

"How did you find these closets anyway, Sensei?"

……….

"Sensei?"

………

"Sensei!" The three poked their heads out from their closets. Sensei's closet was open and empty, as was Matoi's. "He's gone!"

"That's not good!"

"He intends to stare death in the face without getting us in trouble…."

"Let's go get him!" Yelled Harumi.

* * *

Midpoint

Sorry. It seems as though having all three stories at the same time for more than one chapter was just a distant dream…

Haga: Originally, all three stories were shorter, and would fit into a single chapter without taking thirty pages. The conclusion to each was actually supposed to come this chapter…

But I figured the expanded story I had in mind was both less boring, and way less awkward.

Haga: Before he started his second continuing Zetsubou story, he wanted to include Paper Blogs like Koji Kumeta did at the end of each chapter.

But I figured the central topic surrounding the dramatic story was apparent enough. Today's topic: Hide and Seek. Last topic: Running away.

Haga: He saved the Paper Blogs for the more difficult topics he discusses in his new fic. Kihen, Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei.

I encourage all of you reading this to read that fic as well. Oh, and that story isn't the first story to try to mold itself around the formula of the actual story (if anything, they do it better than me). One of my favorites is Boku! Sayonara, Zetsubou Sensei Regrets by J3-Tan. Read it now! NOW!

Haga: A few more of his favorites include New Despair by atoms2ashes (ato-san), The Ultimate Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei Fanfiction by Sei-sama, and Locker by ills.

When I have the time, I'll tell you of a few more you should READ NOW.

Haga: Don't get him started. The guy loves SZS. Before he goes completely bonkers, Sayonara.

Sayonara!….. Zetsubou Sensei READ THOSE FICS NOW!

(a gag originally intended for Kihen).

End Midpoint.

* * *

Nami, Harumi, and Abiru looked everywhere for Nozomu. They looked for him at home. At school. In the trees. In that old abandoned porta potty. Inside Rineback. All to no avail.

Meanwhile, in the Park for Losers…

Nozomu looked around. "Kafuka-san. I know you're here."

From behind a tree came Kafuka. "Sensei." There were marks around her eyes, as though she cried them out all night. Despite that, she was smiling. "Please…"

"Please what? You want to, don't you?" Said Nozomu, no tone of comfort or despise in his voice.

"Just run…"

"While you feel you want to kill someone, you care too much without their corpse leaving an impression, a sense of guilt hanging over you like the guillotine of your psyche. That same sense of care stems from a positive attitude, where around everyone else, you act like it never happened."

"Please don't!" Said Kafuka, her smile disappearing.

"I'm sorry to play psychoanalyst, but I want to understand what goes through your head before I'm killed…" Said Nozomu, emotionless still. "Evil… and Positive…. A caring personality stems from a positive one…"

Kafuka said nothing to stop him. He was already deciphering her thoughts to the dot.

"You care… but you get some sort of fulfillment…."

"!!!!"

"What? I wouldn't think that I thought that you just killed willy nilly, did you?"

"I… did…" Kafuka began to sob.

"If you did, you wouldn't go for the ones you care about, would you?"

"*Sob*….*Sob*…"

"What's wrong?"

Kafuka cried as she said, "It's always been that way… everyone else I knew found someone to die for…"

"What?"

"My father loved my mother so much… they wanted to die together. He killed her, and then himself."

Nozomu was confused. 'Hitou-san told me she was the cause for her parents' deaths…'

"All because I told him to express his love to mama in the fullest…"

'…..oh.'

"I had to spend two years in a psychiatric hospital after being traumatized like that. When I was four. After exiting at the age of six, I had retained my positive attitude, but something was still there."

Nozomu was beginning to understand.

"I had been filled with a desire… to do what my daddy and mama did… I wanted to kill and die with the one I care for most."

"So you killed your friends? And that one group? And others?"

Kafuka nodded. "I want to kill you, but I don't. I don't know what I should be doing. All along, I've never had the courage to kill myself. I think I may have felt too guilty, like that was too easy."

"….. so kill me." offered Nozomu.

"Huh?"

"I'll make it easier on you by willingly dying by you hand. You won't feel any guilt killing a person prepared to die. So kill me."

Kafuka looked at him. She wanted to. She couldn't. She just didn't have it in her to kill her sensei. "I can't. I just… I won't."

Nozomu looked at her. "There, so you won't. Now stop torturing yourself about it."

Kafuka looked at him. "Sensei?"

"I'd be the one at fault, me being the cause for your mental breakdown. Come back to class."

Kafuka chuckled a little. "Always looking out for your students, huh Sensei?"

Nozomu looked away. "Well, you are all my responsibility. Apparently, a teacher has to look into a hikikomori in his class. I have to keep the stalker out of trouble. And I need to keep the crazy ones in check."

Kafuka laughed at his mention of all these silly things. "I already told you, there's no way any of those things could exist!" She was smiling.

"Well, lets go back to the classroom." Said Nozomu, showing subtle signs he was content that she was smiling again.

They walked back to the classroom together.

Kafuka had come to a realization. She had wanted to kill the one she loved because her father wanted to end it while they still loved each other. Kafuka now refused to believe that was true. 'They're just asleep! I'm sure they'll wake up by the time I fall that deep asleep.' She had changed her focus from, "Die while I'm still liked," to "Live together for as long as possible."

Nozomu had come to a realization. Every action he had made within the past few days… he did it because he cared about his students. Every student was important to him… He still thinks he isn't important. He still wants to die desperately, now fully convinced that his class was burdened by his existence. He had to find a way to die fast.

Both of these views conflict each other in a way or another. They each have come to a point in their life where they are making discoveries. But while Kafuka has what she has always wanted, It seems that Nozomu shall never be happy. Well… we shall see.

* * *

Endpoint

Haga: You came up with way too much original content. The readers don't want to read any of this crap.

What do you mean by that? *Vein popping*

Haga: It's just that even though this is an original story, you're shoving too much original backstory down the readers' throats. I already think you overdid it on Retsu Taibun.

While I do admit I made too much original backstory, the point was not to tell tales of the past. It was to explain everything that had happened up to this point.

Haga: You need to learn. This story started out simple, with a minimum of plot development. After the school festival, it was plot point original backstory hell. You originally wanted a story about the Harem Nozomu had.

Yeah, but then I realized that I should expand on the stories for everyone… because I can't do Harem stories properly.

Haga: That's true. The one Harem story you had, you only made two chapters for. And that was last year exactly.

Hey, I'm gonna start it up again!

Haga: And what ever happened to Linn Regiostar? Did you forget?

No! I just think that the first chapter contained WAY TOO much original backstory…

Haga: Just like this?

No! I was messing with the entire life of one of the characters, that's a completely different kind of way too much backstory…

Haga: So you admit you're using way too much original backstory…

….. I think I'll kill myself now.

Haga: I win.

Both: Sayonara!

(Suicide Theater: Not for the weak-hearted)

_Life of Despair: Suicide Theater_

Why? I'm such a bad author. I let everybody down when I said I'll continue the stories and I didn't. I take too long to upload. I write crappy enough stories as it is.

The police can't identify the body on the pavement. So much blood spilled on the ground, and the wall. The head cannot be found. All they can figure out was that it was a headfirst dive from the top of a tall building. Had they found the head, they would have seen the lifeless eyes of a worthless man, or the melancholic smile plastered on my face.

I…. am sorry.

_End_


	14. Past and Present

Here's a small bit of irony. After chapter thirteen, I planned to write more. But for reasons I don't want to get into, I was banned from everything, computer included. I'm such a terrible person. I mean, two chapters ago, the school year was beginning for me! And now? It's August! Last chapter? Around Eight months ago! Why is it I'm no good at anything?

Haga: I'm starting to think that you actually do have an inferiority complex.

That's not so good… I mean, just knowing that fact brings up the point that everyone else I know might know about that. And when my inferiority is apparent, I just cause more problems for them. I've already done that with this story…

Haga: Just say it and get it out of the way.

Zetsuboushita! My incompetence as a fanfiction author has left me in despair!

* * *

Chapter 14: Jun Kudou's Past - Conclusion. Jun Kudou's Present - In progress.

Soon after they called, the police came. They arrested Retsu Taibun. She was found close by in a small shed with an axe and some wire. As she was taken away by the police, Retsu spoke with Jun. "I almost had you my dear."

"Yeah." Replied Jun. "Too bad you stopped chopping at Nami when I went to block for her." He held a bandaged shoulder. "Still, I almost wish you had killed me."

Retsu's eyes widened. "I would never kill you! Why would you say that?"

"If I had died and the police took you after that…" Jun smiled. "You would no longer have any reason to go after Nami-chan."

Retsu laughed as she got into the car. "In 20 years to life, I'll see you again my love!" The police drove away.

"Well that was anticlimactic." Said Nami. "All we had to do was call the police."

"If I had known you could call the police on an ex, I'd have done it years ago…" Actually, people do that all the time.

"Honestly, I think the author just didn't want to draw up a complex story for our escape from her…" Hey, it was your idea to call the police.

"Anyways, now that we don't have to run anymore, what do you say to a vacation here in Okinawa?"

"Um…" Nami tried to imagine Jun in a swimsuit. "Uh, no, let's not." She would be too enamored by his figure to concentrate on anything else. "Let's just go back to school."

"Oh? Alright." Jun only suggested because she might want to.

Back at school, everything seemed relatively normal…

"Don't say normal!"

I was describing the school! As I was saying, it was as though the events of the previous chapters never happened. And why would they? It's not like one insane student and depressed teacher make a difference. If they're absent, they're absent. Nobody's life was affected by those events.

Jun looked around. Everything looked serene in the classroom. "Did we miss something important?"

Nozomu replied, "No. Nothing happened. I didn't go on a life-changing journey, battle a demon and discover something important." He thought for a bit. "Well, I didn't go on a journey or battle a demon."

"Ah." 'So something did happen.'

Jun took his seat and started to read, as usual.

"Wait a second, where have you and Hitou-san been for the last…" He took a quick look at the attendance, as he hadn't been paying attention for the past few days. "… six days?"

"Well sensei… let's just say we went on a life-changing journey."

"Are you sure? No demons? No discoveries?"

"No, sensei."

Nami came in later than Jun. "Sorry I'm late! I just got back from a life-changing journey!"

Nozomu looked down. "That was my joke of the day…"

"Oh. Sorry, was that yours?"

Jun put down his book. "Well, most books have copyright protection so that nobody takes their material. If you were a professional comedian, you could have a copyright put on your jokes."

Nozomu looked up again. "So I should copyright everything I say, huh… but it costs money to copyright things! I can't copyright everything I say! Why do you think a fanfiction is being made from my life?"

"Well, it's not the images being taken, it's the characters. And the story differs to some degree, so you can't sue."

"Zetsuboushita! People I don't know using my life to tell a story has left me in despair!" Nozomu stopped for a second. "Hold on. Who just said that?"

Jun raised his hand. "I did."

"That's strange. Usually the instigator is either Kafuka, or Chiri, or me, or random people out on the street. You almost never add to that."

"Well… I'm actually feeling a bit happy today."

"Well… anyways-" and he went on his rant for the day. It was pretty typical day. Chiri had something to say, as did Harumi. Kafuka just smiled throughout.

After school let out, Jun went home. He lay down in his bed, exhausted. A lot had happened, and he was thankful for the upcoming weekend.

Saturday, he met up with Nami at school. "Hi Jun! Are you ready?"

"Yeah, I am. So where are we going?"

"Huh? I thought you were going to decide. If I had to decide, I'd only pick someplace I'd want to go like the bookstore."

"Same with me, I'd pick a place like the mall."

They both thought hard and came up with the same solution.

Nami: 'A bookstore in the mall?'

Jun: 'A bookstore near the mall?'

Well, almost.

"Jun, let's just go to the park."

"Yes, a quiet place that is only a little cliché."

You know, because normally the girl wants to go shopping and the intelligent usually wants to go someplace… you all get the cliché.

At the park, Jun and Nami were greeted by their sensei.

Nami asked, "Sensei, what are you doing here?" He had rope in his hand. He was standing near a tree on a stool. "Never mind, I can guess."

Nozomu shouted, "If I can't copyright my actions, I can at least copyright my death! I put that in my will. Now nobody will be allowed to die by hanging in this park! They'll have to stick to the woods around Mt. Fuji."

Kafuka came running up to him. "Sorry, but according to that sign over there, a death by hanging has already been copyrighted."

"… Dammit. I'm going to Mt. Fuji!" Nozomu ran away with Kafuka in pursuit.

Jun and Nami just stood there. Finally, Jun spoke. "You want to take a walk?"

"Yes!" They went for a small walk in the park. The pink petals falling reminded one of a romance anime.

When the walk came to an end, they sat on a bench with ice cream, another cliché.

"So how was today Nami?"

"All weirdness and the author's cliché's aside, this was a very nice day." … Hey.

"Well that's good. I was afraid that everything would blow up in the end and we'd have to spend chapters trying to fix it."

Nami touched his hand. "This isn't a book. We aren't the playthings of some twisted mind. Things like that won't happen. At least not now."

Jun grasped Nami's hand. "I know. We're together now, and that's what matters."

Nami blushed. "Jun. I love you." She put her head on his shoulder.

"And I love you." Said Jun. He put his arm around her shoulder.

A bit familiar, but Jun has found happiness. What once caused him pain, emotions, were now in check. Because now he has someone he can be happy with.

* * *

I know it was short, but it's the conclusion of Jun's story. If you don't like it, complain all you want. I know the last parts were cliché.

Haga: Yeah, I was pretty annoyed. But I'm happy for those two.

Strange. You actually said something nice.

Haga: But that doesn't mean I don't totally hate your story.

What will it take to make you like my story?

Haga: Two words. Lemon Fic.

… When I suck less at writing, I'll see what I can do about that. Of course, the Uke will be Nozomu.

Haga: Yaoi?

Nah. I'll leave that to professionals. When I say, "Seme and Uke", I mean in a general sense, not confined to Yaoi or Yuri.

Haga: But you've read those kinds of fics, haven't you?

…. I've closed up my heart.

Haga: I bet you're one of those Dramatic Ukes, aren't you?

…. I've closed up my heart.

Haga: For a guy, you sure want to be treated like an Uke.

…. Shut the Fuck up.

Haga: Shuji's closed up his heart, so Sayonara.

… Sayonara.

_Life of Despair: Suicide Theater _(Not for the weak hearted.)

I didn't do anything for eight months. I've been disconnected from several of my friends. I'm being a bother by telling my life story. I've been unable to make even a single person happy in life.

By the pool, a murder is investigated. My head was underwater, but the rest of me wasn't. It wasn't murder. I shoved my head into the pool. I died cold and breathless. Perhaps I've made people's lives better.


End file.
